foster the people

I really miss you, I miss you, I said

Smile at the chance just to see you again

=]

Love Anthem For World Peace - STR Official Full Song Video

Now this song is okay. And I'm quite aware that Simbhu is a known to be a douche, but damn he looks pretty cute in this video. Minus the scene in the white blazer where he's topless underneath, that was weird.

one step at a time

Hurry up and wait

So close, but so far away

Everything that you've always dreamed of

Close enough for you to taste

But you just can't touch

You wanna show the world, but no one knows your name yet

Wonder when and where and how you're gonna make it

You know you can if you get the chance

In your face as the door keeps slamming

Now you're feeling more and more frustrated

And you're getting all kind of impatient waiting

We live and we learn to take
One step at a time
There's no need to rush
It's like learning to fly
Or falling in love
It's gonna happen when it's
Supposed to happen and we
Find the reasons why
One step at a time

beach

sometimes when I go to the beach, I sit on this one specific bench. I aimlessly stare out at the horizon but yet sit there quite concentrated. Thoughts get cleared, problems get resolved and emotions begin to dissolve. And sometimes, when things feel all resolved I write messages in the sand for others to read. I don't know why, I just do it. :) 

bah

i'm a loser. 

christmas war zone

Me: pssssssssssttt
Bro: *wakes up and curls into fetal postion* mmmm?
Me: I need to go to the store. wanna come?
Bro: why?
Me: I need to pick up undergarments and Christmas cards. I want to get there a bit early to beat the last minute Christmas herd.
Bro: okay..get ready...come wake me up and I'll brush my teeth and come.
Me: ugh are you going to put on clothes?
Bro: maybe..*turns over and falls back asleep*

ew

screw it

My day of self-pity and hatred has come to an effin halt. Well not really, but I must put an end to it. The most productive was writing a post on tumblr in regards to heart medications. Other than that  I've been sleeping all day. My mom woke me up because I haven't eaten and well couldn't sleep after that so I pathetically wallowed in self-pity. My brother and grandpa have checked up on me. My brother even offered to go out. I pushed them away. I just need time you know? It's exasperating getting my hopes up only for them to get shot down. Haha It's one thing if it happens with guys, but when it comes to something like school. Nah that ain't right. 

You know that's the fucked up part; pitying yourself and giving up it's SO damn easy to be successful at it. However, going on against the odds and overcoming the obstacles, is a challenge but you get what you want. I'll do whatever the fuck it takes to get what I want.

I'm not going to let this get in the way of enjoying my much deserved break or much needed study time for my licensing exam.  Is it odd that I want to go out, get drunk and just cut loose? Probably not, and I'm probably going to do it without giving a shit about what people think.  I don't party every week, so this is my chance. 

Anyways, I'm going to work with what I have and become the best nurse I can out of all of this. Like I mentioned in my blog earlier, this happening helped me set my priority straight. And this is my priority. 

So I'm going to change in to some booty shorts and  tank, put on some good music and clean up the room. This includes giving jojo a much needed bath and scrubbing his tank clean. 

toy

I honestly feel like God or the universe or whatever it may be is just jerking me around like some sort of toy. One week I am in a state of constant anxiety and depression. Then, finally, I speak to admissions and it's a few days of relief that there was a mistake with my marks. But NOW once again, it looks like I was right all along. Messed up part is I can't speak to any one at the school until the Jan 2nd, 2012. Is it wrong to displace this on God or the universe?
Yes. Simply put the admissions guy may have made a mistake while I was right all along. It has nothing to do with God or the universe, but why is God letting this happen? But then again God watches over a lot worse travesties in this world. I find it such a taboo to speak about about God on my blog but furthermore blame him when things don't go right. These kind of things happens to everyone. But I'm so exasperated that I'm being jerked around like some rag doll. After reading The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho the one line that is drilled into us is; “When you want something, all the universe conspires in helping you to achieve it.” 
Does the universe not see me striving to achieve my goals? Does the universe not see me come home from an 8 hr evening shift at clinicals only to study? Does the universe not see me lug around those huge books on my back? Does the universe not see me cry and break down very semester due to stress? DOES THE UNIVERSE NOT SEE ME FUCKING WORKING MY ASS OFF? 
Never have I put so much emotional, physical and mental effort into something. It's as if some sick joke to toy someone around like this. It's even more exasperating because this is something I really want and nursing is something I am very passionate about.  I've rocked many boats and changed a lot to get to nursing. And nursing has helped me become and grow into someone that I love.  I get if one is so passionate about their dreams, nothing will get in their way of achieving it. But I can't help but look around and wonder why only me?  Why do things just fall into place for some? While I pivot my way around to conform for something I love. What's even more irritating is I have to wait until Jan 2nd to hear back from someone. This isn't the end I will do whatever the fuck it takes to get to my final goal. It's just I can't help but wonder why the string of events had to occur the way they did. 
It's a funny turn of events though. Just at the moment when something you treasure so dearly is at the risk of not being attained those trivial matters just float away. I think about those months where I obsessed over cop guy, but now if someone was to walk in I'd put up walls. I realized how much of a priority my career and how irrelevant all this stuff in regards to boys came once all this happened. On my way back from the hockey game last night, I spoke to two guys from the leafs game. It was quite obvious they were hitting on me with their jokes and comments. I rolled my eyes, laughed and played along. It was fun. Nothing more. It was when I got home and I checked my mark that my peaceful day went down the drain. I didn't let it ruin it, because going to the hockey game last night was AMAZING and nothing can take from that. My point is, with all this going on in my plate I can never consider a guy. Even if things were to work out for me with school, I realized how high of a priority it is to ensure all my focus is on school and nothing else. (And of course leaving some aside for my family and friends). I stopped giving a fuck about what others my think because it's only those who love me and know truly how much I went through this semester would know. I'm pissed but the fact that I didn't get it acts as a challenge. Motivating me more to try harder. I'm happy with what I've got, my RPN degree, and I will make the most of it. I can work with that and work my way up. Now its a matter of looking at other options. But I guess for today, I am angry at this sick joke by the universe getting my hopes up by opening the door, I run to it, only to shut it in my face and laugh. 

done clinicals

oh my goodness I can finally READ a novel!!!!! Where to begin?!! What to read?!? So excited. 

oh hot damn

Whoa. The blogger setup has changed.

Anyway, I'm trying to grasp things, think things through, weigh out my options and cover every bit of ground. Which altogether is a REALLY slow process in terms of figuring out what to do and where to go. So hopefully by the end of the week I have somewhat of an idea. Right now the goal is to get the resume done, apply for jobs and study for my licensing exams.

Few things I've learned in the past few days which many would find valuable and reasonable:

You don't know the value of something or someone unless it/them are threatened to be stripped from you or is actually gone. We really don't! But the passion and angst expressed in such a threat shows how much it means to you and how much you value it. How much you are not ready to give up without a fight and ready to do whatever it takes. See that's the thing, doing whatever it takes sometimes may involve not following expected social norms.But fuck it. 

Secondly, we take those who we REALLY care about for granted. Many people bend over backwards to ensure you are smiling. Whether it be our mother, best friend or significant other. But never do we actually appreciate how much they do for us. Those people I think are a repayment from God of the good karmic actions. 

I had a sleep over last night. I think at one point the discussion of weddings and babies came up. I was distracting myself by looking at an Aladdin book with one of the kids. How can I even think about  babies and marriage when I am no where on that boat? If I was on a boat, my boat would be no where near that boat! Of course they are at different levels and would never hold that against them. They were talking about things because they have gotten to that stage. But of course I was trying not to have an anxiety attack about it, about everything. My main focus is my career at the moment, and that's how it should be for me. Anything in relation to a guy is just a mere incidence of flirting and I am happy with that interaction, if any. For some reason I found it hard talking about just incidences(to flirting with a guy) of such to my friends at the sleep over. Like it wouldn't be taken seriously or maybe I just felt a slight sense disconnect from the group.  I guess because no one really asks, and I'm not going to sit there and talk about myself if I'm going to be cut off or not listened to. So I don't mind listening to the giggles and excitement as they speak about their plans, life, marriage and children,  if they ask me, I will speak. I think at one point this week I was so stressed: I was like fuck it. I just want to finish off what I'm at and just have children(no that's not going to happen LOL). Speaking of which, the doctor called me for results from an ultrasound I did a few weeks back. Bah. Another to do on that list. I think it's more the anxiety of wondering what the hell is wrong with you. Damn ovaries and possibly pituitary gland. Why can't you guys just coordinate and work properly? Maybe I should freeze my eggs, just in case. LOL seriously. 

lol

oh me? oh my!

I was talking to a friend the other day. Updated on my life & dealie-o. She responded with I was thinking the other day while I was watching Sex and the City that you would be Carrie Bradshaw. Say what? She went on to explain how I "put myself out there", have all these crazy stories that I've experienced with guys (no not sexual ones -_-) and have "fruitful" knowledge when it comes to relationships. Uhmm hmm...ugh...gee thanks? Wasn't sure if I was suppose to feel flattered that Carrier Bradshaw reminded her of me.

Well ladies and gentlemen, I've had my share of crazy experiences. From the weird Asian guy yelling arrribbbaaaaa! in my ear as we danced on the dance floor together to getting stood up at the movies. Shit happens, we all develop feelings for people and things just don't work out. What matters is moving on from that and becoming a wiser person from that situation. You also become aware of those who stick by you to help you pick up the pieces. I know it's much to early for one of those yearly look back reflections. But 2011 was very productive. As cheesy as it it is, I'm started to actually like myself and have become an overall stronger person. Yes, I have my bad days. But those bad days have now become significantly reduced and I don't allow problems to fester on for so long any more. It's when you develop that relationship with yourself and you become comfortable in your own skin ( no matter how discomforting the situation is) your confidence and outlook will help overcome any situation. It may seem simple to some. But for me it was and still is a working progress. When it comes to guys; the right one is out there somewhere but I'm happy with things the way they are. And I guess this new found feeling is almost surreal and even can be overly sappy and nauseating to some. Also, if I'm met to be alone for the rest of my life then I'll face and accept that when I come to that bridge.

lolololol had to add this picture. It was way to hilarious and I can see myself doing something like this. Honestly haha

exam

Final exam: Dec 13

Licensing exam: Jan 11

Physiological symptoms: twitching eye, hyperactive bowel sounds,irritability, palpitations noted when anxiety levels heighten and clenched jaw.

bahah

I said what I had to say. If I looked like a freak, oh well! ;)

Why This Kolaveri Di

hum diddly dum

I should be getting ready for bed soon. So hopefully can finish this post up quick. Today was a pretty good day at work, it had it's anxiety filled moments. My preceptor got me to talk to two doctors today. One was a hospitalist and the other one was a surgeon. Both were separate cases in regards to patients that looked a little critical. I was kind of nervous and insecure on whether I gave the sufficient response. Especially the surgeon, he was really pleasant and was questioning me for teaching purposes. But I felt like I should know these answers. So I gave my best shot.

I came home, and got into somewhat of an argument with a friend. I think it's only with people who are truly close to me would I ever open up and say you pissed me off. Otherwise, I'd fume, hold it in and vent out to someone else. LOL I know it's not quite practical because for some reason I don't like cofrontation. Aside from the drama, it's just plain awkward. Like we both were to blame, her for doing what she did and for me for taking it to another level. So right now we aren't talking. I think what frustrates me is that sometimes people could be so set in their ways. Including myself, which triggered me to actually jog back and think were I fucked up in the fight and not let it happen again. But I know with her, that may not be the case. She's probably thinking about the situation and defensively pissed off about it. Not that there's anything wrong with that because it's a defence mechanism and I used to be like that and in some situations I still am. But what bugs me, is she's not going to realize where about she went wrong. Who knows, I do have to give her the benefit of the doubt. Nevertheless, it put a damper on what was a pretty good day at work. I went to the gym, ran my ass off on the treadmill and worked out, it helped in bringing up my mood and helped me clear some thoughts. Self-realization is pretty helpful in being content with yourself. Cheesey, I know, but true.

being a woman

lol what a day; pap test, getting a much overdue waxing, working out and running into cop guy(?).

o.0

Indian MC Hammer: U can't Touch This Curry

hahaha hah prabhu ur dance moves are still kick ass

Justin Bieber - Mistletoe

don't judge me. bahahahahhaha :)

Everybody's Free To Wear SUNSCREEN! (ORIGINAL) + English Subtitles

<3

ugh

I have this weird urge to travel so bad.. A yearning of some sort to get out there and can't be explained. I don't mind travelling with friends or the best friend. But I also want to go somewhere on my own! That's something I want to do sometime really soon. The problem is money. And I guess those kind of opportunities kind of fall into place when the time is right. And I really should be focused on other priorities such as school instead of getting distracted with my desires that are far from reach at the moment. Where I really want to go is Thailand, Nepal, Galapagos Islands and maybe a tropical resort (you know like Cuba). The Galapagos and Nepal are something I can wait for to do during my lifetime. But with a tropical resort or Thailand it would be such a wonderful escape. I would feel awful asking my family because I am sure they themselves have desires to go travel. Especially my grandparents who want to go back home to visit. But at the same time my mom said It's not selfish of you to feel this way, your at that age to explore. We already surpassed that time and got the opportunity to travel. Nevertheless, I can't help but feel like I am leaving them behind or something.

I have to apply for the Bridging program for next September by the end of this month. And we also got a chance to speak with a clinical advisor today in regards to pre-grad and do our simulation labs. She suggested we start giving in resumes and getting our foot in the door for job placements at the hospitals we are at right now in order to get a job. Then we started talking about our licensing exams in January. Don't get me wrong there was a thrill and a positive side to it, but it was almost as if it was sudden once we hit November. One hit after another, after another to get certain things done that have a great impact on everything. I am a little nervous...

I'm sure

found

cry baby

I came home from The National Women's Show with my friends and plopped down on the couch. My mom was watching a tamil film called, Engeyum Eppodhum. It was pretty good. The whole anticipatory build up and tension between the two couples were pretty cute to watch. The plot then goes on in which these two buses crash, with numerous fatalities. There was this one scene in the movie where this father was on the bus coming back from Saudi to see his little daughter. The daughter called and the father gave the phone over to the man sitting beside him to kind of prove to his daughter that he is on his way back home. It reminded me of myself where I'd talk to my dad while he was in Canada and I was back home in Sri Lanka. I'd ask him when I was going to see him and according to my mom he'd sit there silently on the phone with her after because he was crying due to the pain and the distance between his family. So in the movie, the father was on one of the buses which gets involved in a head on collision with another bus. The father dies and as they pull him away on the gurney/stretcher the cell phone is ringing and it's the little daughter calling. Oh my GOD, I cried like a baby. My father and I aren't close. Quite frankly, we never got along possibly because we were so much alike, that it worked against us. And I guess with the first three years my dad being MIA(my father also worked in Saudi) in my life obviously also put that strain on our father-daughter relationship.

Today was a fun outing with the girls. I also seem to have a crush on one of the actor's(Sharvanand) from the film. bahahaha. ok! not a crush because he does his eyebrows and that's such a turn off, but damn he's pretty good looking.

i miss reading...

“There is only one thing that makes a dream impossible to achieve: the fear of failure.”

The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho

ugh

I left my cell phone at home. I'm not one of those folks who needs my phone by me every second of the day, okay maybe when I'm bored. But, when I'm driving home I get all anxious and nervous that my car might come to a halt and I have no means of communication to get help.
Anyways I'm at school reading about labour and pregnancy (it's a topic I seem to have a hard time grasping( and it's really grossing me out.
Submitted my application to graduate today, it felt weird. Feels as if it's not going to be a big deal for my family so I don't really expect them to come to my graduation. I mean come on it's not what they expected; a york graduate etc with the huge stadium in front of all those fancy people. But it sure is going to be a huge ass accomplishment for me, so kind of looking forward to it. For the moment, I should focus on actually passing this semester and getting to the stage of actually graduating. That being said I should get back to studying.

patient

it's not about the destination but more importantly the journey.

oh, how much I forget to acknowledge that on a weekly even daily basis? With school and yes, I'm going to say it even, society. It demands productivity and drills into our head goal oriented efficacy. Nevertheless, most successful people are those who get things done, duh! But what I seem to have a hard time getting past personally, is how to revel in the "moment" without getting caught up with thoughts in regards to the future.

oh gosh I need to study and pass my exam.

Oh gosh! I need to apply to graduate. (shit that reminds me ; today is the last day to apply to graduate! thank god I'm going to school to study before clinicals.)

oh shit I need to write my licensing exam and get a job.

oh shit by the time I graduate I'll be 25 and my parents would want me married off.

oh shit am I going to get an arrange marriage?

I am sure I am not the only one who has this mindset. But, it's safe to say: it would not hurt to look at things with a in the moment mentality and worry about obstacles when you cross over that bridge. When something is meant to happen in life, be it a job opportunity, a marriage, a child or a bowel movement; it will happen on its accord. What I and probably others need to recognize is, sit back, smoke a joint (kidding!) and let things flow.

mmm

oh drizzy

YouTube Challenge - I Told My Kids I Ate All Their Halloween Candy

BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAH!!

time

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
Courage to change the things I can,
And wisdom to know the difference.

ugh

I feel I should go to the doctor, but ugh! Awkward...

granny

Somehow I land myself in these unique, awkward, uncomfortable and/or plain ass messed up situations. It's gotten to the point that I can only laugh at myself. What can I do? Ah well, atleast when I'm a granny I'd have some pretty good stories and wise ass insight to share.
For some, the pieces fall into place. For others, you strenously go through obstacles to achieve something in life. Nevertheless, I think those things that come more difficult, are the ones you learn to appreciate more.
Pictures are from the movie Up.

Coldplay - Paradise

it was needed

I called in sick to clinicals. I am not really sick. There's a shit load of work to catch up on, hence the day off. I don't know how others are doing it, really I don't! But a part of me knows I'm not alone, I mean if the class average for our test was 50%, I'm definitely not alone. That, however, doesn't justify me doing poorly in school. I keep telling myself to get myself together and "organize". And I get the only way to avoid stress is by managing your time and organizing. Which of course is what I've lacked these past two months. It's not too late to ace this semester. LOL I feel like a fool self-assuring myself on my blog. But I'm not, I know I've got potential, it's just I let the stress overwhelm and intimidate me. I mean if this was any other semester in which I had courses and only two days of clinicals(which was like only 5 hours) and I was doing poorly, then yes I'd be pissed off at myself. So, yes the clinicals hours are excusable for me to be tired and behind in school but now it's got to come to a stop and I start getting myself together. I try my hardest to balance out going to the gym, clinicals and school, but it's clear I got figure out a new way to get things done. If I can graduate this semester with a decent mark and manage the 40 hours of clinicals /week, then that will be one great accomplishment for me. It's not easy, it is a challenge, so I hope I overcome it and attain my goal.
Like I mentioned before, I ended up calling him and sent him a text to call me back. Nothing. He texted me asking if everything was okay. I said yes and that I had a question. No response since. I saw him on MSN a few times; never messaged me. So, I am going to logically assume what I intially thought: he invited me out to go to a secluded park at night to drink and when I said no to the suggestion of booze, he cut off connection(probably to find someone else who was more available in such department). I asked a guy friend of mine; he laughed and said he wanted ass. Ahh well. It's done with, and it was definitely for the better.

whale

I realized how disorganized my life was when I was brushing my teeth the other morning, it tasted weird so I looked at the tooth paste tube. I was brushing my teeth with expired toothpaste...

I've noticed that I am having dreams about whales. This is my second one, in the past month. I mean I have reoccuring dreams of me being at the hospital, which make sense because I do that stuff on a daily basis. But a whale?!

So I googled it and I'm guessing the whale probably symbolizes school and my struggle to balance clinical work and studying;

Whale

To see a whale in your dream, represents your intuition and awareness. You are in tuned with your sense of spirituality. Alternatively, a whale symbolizes a relationship or business project that may be too big to handle. You are feeling overwhelmed. The dream may also be a pun on "wailing" and a desire to cry out about something.

http://www.dreammoods.com/dreamdictionary/w3.htm

Whale - The whale is one of the most powerful symbols of nature in the sea. This dream is associated with strength and leadership at work. If we look at the whale as a mammal that lives in water this is associated with life and birth. In literature and dream interpretation, along with the other water mammals, the whale is associated with a forceful and sturdy, animal, which can drive us forward.

http://www.auntyflo.com/dream-dictionary/animal-or-animals

what a day

Today was a day of stress and anxiety. I'm glad this week is over and I can just start all over again.

Negative:

• I had the online test today at school which was 15% of my mark. I got 50% on it. Oh believe me I wasn't happy with my mark nor was I surprised. Not studiyng was my fault. Yes, I've got a shit load to do from taking care of the family to clinicals( 40 hrs a week, sometimes even more.) Nevertheless, it's not an excuse to leave it to the last minute or forget. It's about time I pull my shit together and write down important dates on my calendar instead of just my agenda.
• While brushing my teeth I remembered my application for my licensing exam that is due on the 31st. It's the 28th. Forgetting about it and leaving it to the last minute was my fault. The payment for the exams was approximately $300.
• I got a reply back from him that he can't make it on sunday and that "we will meet up some other time." Followed by sexual remarks that I guess were uncalled for?
  

Positive:

• The day consisted of constant solace and comfort from the best friend. jeeze louise, I'm grateful for her existence in my life.
• I broke down on my mom and told her exactly how it is; that I work 40 hrs a week and have to manage studies on top of that. I told her I don't really have anyone to run to about personal issues and have this obligation/responsbility to take care of her and my grandparents. I spoke to my brother the other day and he asked if the arrangements have been made for my mom's surgery. Like I have to arrange everything?! *sigh* If it wasn't for me yelling at my grandfather, he wouldn't have went to the doctor and got his hearing aid stuff done. If it wasn't for me filling out forms and contacting the YRP, my grandfather wouldn't have gotten his alzheimer stuff finished. It's exasperating. I get that my dad is working two jobs. I feel almost like a spoiled brat for crying out and complaining about all of this, like that I should do it with grace and silence. Anyways, it's out in the open and my mom knows how I feel.
• I managed to drive downtown to hand in the application form (thank god). While there I ran into a few classmates who are also doing pre-grad, I asked them how they did today. One of them got a 45% while the other got a 57%. It also turns out they haven't done their presentation yet for this huge project we need to give in at the end of this. So I'm not alone.
• As for him, I called him. No answer. Sent him a message saying to call me back, which I don't know if he will. This is what I think of him and the situation. He wanted to fool around, I didn't put out. He asked once again to meet up in a secluded area and this time drink. I said no to the drinking so he doesn't want to come through, because well he's not going to get any pleasure out of it.Am I wrong for assuming the worst in him? No. If a guy really wanted to hang out with me, he wouldn't suggest some random park, at night and to drink on top of that. I've finally got the sense of self-entitlement; in the sense that if a guy really likes me he would prusue me for something. And he's not. I am aware of hard I work and the respect I deserve now, and well this guy isn't giving it because truth be told he isn't interested in me that way or just isn't looking for someone like me at the moment. And well, his loss.
  
• After everything that happened today, I realized I've let the stress consume me. I let clinicals be an excuse not to do anything. Yes, I am being hard on myself because talking to my peers, they are in the same boat as me. We complained about the shifting circadian rhyhtm in our sleep cycle. With clinicals hours and I only gave into things I wanted to do such as clubbing and working out. However, I need to begin to prioritize my work and get my stuff together. Today, a day filled with driving in a rush to the CNO head office to give in my form to getting that awful mark to getting the text he can't make/realizing he's just after ass, was a reality check.
• Tonight I'm going out. I really don't know how it's going to be, since it's me and a friend. She's pretty so most guys are going to be hitting on her(it's happened before), while I stand around awkwardly. But I'm going to make the most of it by trying to have a good time and de-stress. haha. Wish me luck because it's going to be hella awkward when my friends making out with a hott white guy and I really don't have anyone else there.
  
• Mantra of the day: This too shall pass.
  
  
  

damn it

Turns out the physiotherapist assistant has a gf. No! I didn't do some stalking*shifty eyes*. He casually mentioned her in a conversation ...which..I overheard. Great now I can't daydream about us having lunch in the cafeteria(LMAO) or doing the nasty. It just don't seem right. nahmean?
Well had an awkard moment the other day; I was standing outside the bathroom with the doctor. Talking to the patient giving discharge instruction, while she was IN the bathroom taking a dump. Oh great, just great.
Hmm I think one thing I sort of value of not being in a relationship is not answering the phone. Sometimes I just don't want to talk to anyone or reply back to texts. However, with a bf, you have to reply back to texts, obligated to pick up the phone call and not ignore it on purpose or return phone calls. Most of my friends I get back at or atleast try to. Nevertheless, when I am overwhelmed and don't really feel like talking to anyone, I like having that freedome of being alone.
As I was leaving work today, I spoke to God. Yeah sounds weird when I type and read that to myself. Anyways I was just like Give me something. Something nice to brighten up my days. Don't get me wrong, I love the hospital and what I am doing. But for some reason it bugs me so damn much that there's not that guy in my life to shower me with attention. I'm not seeking for a relationship, just simple company. Anyways, I then got to thinking I would have been fine. Then I met the crush. I was happy on my own, beginning to get comfortable in my own skin and basically blissfully unaware. I should be happy with what I have in life, I am taking it for granted. I really am. I love going to the gym and pushing myself on the machines to the point that the endorphins kicks in, I feel relaxed and nothing else in the world matters because I feel fuckin awesome. I like not having to fix my schedule around a guy in order to make time for us. I like being able to just lie in bed and not do anything and jnot ustify myself to anyone. I like not having to feel guilty or worry if I check out a guy or flirt with someone. I like the idea of only worrying about myself and no significant other. Maybe it's my past experience with my ex and how exteremly tied to the hip we were. But I appreciate the freedom I have, which I once longed. Nevertheless, it seems I keep forgetting these perks and missing the company of a guy more. Why is that? I'm going clubbing tommorow and maybe, just maybe saturday. Plans aren't for sure. But if I was in a relationship, plans need to be certain. I can't just make last minute plans and say "hey hun I'm going clubbing with so and so. See ya!"
I seem to be thinking more about this then the test I have tommorw. Pathetic, I know. Haha. But I am screwed lol theres only so much I can do now. I've done the online modules and sort of reviewed. I dont think I will do that great but hopefully I can catch up by other means. And hopefully this epic fail tommorow will kick some reality in my head to start studying.

D'awwwwww =]

Such a cute song. LOL don't judge me, I'm aware I need to be punched. In the back of my head, I know we are just a friends. But you hopelessly hope like a moron failing to look at things realistically. No, no pity is not what I'm trying to attain from this post. I'm just going to tell it as it is, get rejected, and move on. Oh how fun that's going to be, but I rather just get that closure and the words out of his mouth.

word...

PDA

This was one of my favourite scenes from 500 Days of Summer, when the couple walked around Ikea pretending it was their house. They ended up in a bedroom and were going to make out and well they had an audience. :P

PDA; That shit bugs the crap out of me. What's worse is when I see it on social networks like facebook. You want to say "I love you boo boo face" then call/text/mail/send a telepathic msg to your damn signnifcant other. No one needs nor wants to see one profress their love over the net to their signifnicant other. Isn't it something personal, so why announce it out in the public? One it's going to make me hurl and two doesn't it deplete the value of the message when you put it as your facebook status? I honestly would appreciate a guy telling me this personally or even writing it down on a letter, NOT ON THE INTERNET, where my friends and family can see it. I wonder for those who overly show PDA on the net are they trying to prove something to the social network world? Are they trying to compensate and cover something that is lacking? Or are they really that sappy? Because if that's the case I need some damn gravol from reading that kinda crap. bahaha Honestly, it just looks pathetic in my eyes. Putting up photos of you and your SO together doing cool things, fine. Putting up photos of your tongue down each others throat, OH DEAR GOD that would scare me. At a quick glance, I'd get startled because it looks like the chick's eating his face. bahaha

soreee

Sometimes I wonder if he wants something more than friends, in the sense of physical. His comments at time are flirtatious in nature, that makes me raise an eyebrow. Okay not really, I can't raise one eyebrown but you know. A few months back I was open to the idea of friends with benefits(FWB). I don't know how and what it is that has changed my mind within that period, but I can safely conclude that is just not what I am looking for.
Utimately in the end I would have felt awful about myself and I realized I rather share those kind of moments with someone who's in it to be with me as well. I rather not just give anything up to a guy for the sake of some sort of pleasure. That's when I begin to have some sort of self-conflict because I was reasoning on both sides. Yes, there is a sense of empowerment if you can maintain such a relationship without getting emotions involved. But then I can't help about questioning what about ones' self-respect? If you are in a FWB relationship, do you still have self-respect? I know it sounds silly, maybe some girls do? I don't know because in the end the girl can have self-respect and be using the guy for the physical aspect and getting something out of it too right? I think it looks wrong because it's out of societal norm, especially for a woman to engage in such type of relationship. My perspective, lol I rather not get myself into such drama. I can say I do have my emotions in check, but dare I try FWB, I'd be your typical girl trying to label and strap that man down (in a non sexual manner). So I rather avoid that drama and even then emotions will heighthen. I'd think I want to be with them, when really, how do I even know if I want a relationship to begin with? LOL omg I sound crazy but maybe some readers get what I'm saying. So that folks is my take on friends with benefits. Even though in the summer I was ready to jump in the FWB boat and get down and dirty. I'm glad it didn't happen. :)
Ahh well, whatever happens will happen. If a situation was to occur, I'd have to say no, followed by awkwardness and our "friendship" will lead to its eventual detoriation. bahaha c'est la vie. And yes it's wrong to just assume he wants that, but in this day and age with men being pigs, a girls gotta have her guards up.

the awkward moment

the guy you're crushing on calls you "sir"
lovely.. just lovely.

hockey

when hockey players fight... it turns me on.

convert

So my tumblr and twitter are more of a "professional account". Thus I have my tumblr link up on my twittter bc I don't want people to read my personal blog(which is this one). Although lol I don't think I can write much in here since there's not much to write personally speaking.
does that make my life kinda sad? yeah probably. I mean the most I can write about here is the hot physiotherapist assistant I drool over every morning. My god he's gorgeous. We've only made eye contact and never spoke. Lol I never found the reason to speak to him either. And there was really no formal inrdocution between us by my preceptor. And now it's TOO late to introduce myself unless I need to speak to him about something which I never find the need to. This week has been pretty okay more than I thought it would be...but sadly it's probably because I haven't done shit. I'm not going to the gym tonight so I better finish the presentation tonight (while I watch the hockey game. hehehe I was thinking of going to a starbucks and working on the presentation, I mean there would be more of a chance to see some cute guys. But then the Leafs game trumped the potential eye candy. Hahaha

:P

lovely...just lovely

So for the past month or so I've been lacking in regards to going to the gym that also paired with the crappy eating habits. Quite frankly if you finish a shift around 11:30 pm, you are going to be starving. I honestly don't know what to eat because well I'll be going to bed shortly after. Anyways this week I started going back to the gym and resuming normal eating habits that isn't overindulging on anything in plain site. First day wasn't so bad on a count that I didn't have to go to the hospital. Second day wasn't so bad; went to the gym, showered, ate and took a quick nap before going to the hospital. My shift was pretty hectic especially when two of your patients are overweight. Nonetheless, I didn't feel anything during or after my shift. It was at 8:30 in the morning when my mom came in to ask me if I wanted to go to the gym that I felt my whole body in pain. My back, my arms, my legs and even my chest! :S So I'm not going to go today. Either way I have a paper to work on that's due tommorow.

There's really not much to write in here. Nothing exciting or enticing. Just trying to get things together with clinicals so that when I am there I can do it on my own independently. I want to show the co-ordinators that I am a competent nurse so that maybe... just maybe *fingers crossed* they can recommend me for a job position at the hospital or even one at the very unit. Alot of the nurses are encouraging me to work as I do my bridging program into Uni. But honestly I spoke to my clinical teacher and she was right "Think of that decision when it's time to cross that bridge." So right now I am trying to juggle clinicals and studying which isn't so easy because I am tired most of the time. And also trying to make time to hang out with friends otherwise I think I'd go insane without any social contact. October is filled with alot of parties surprisingly and I cannot attend a few of them because (1) I have shift the next day and need to be up at 6 am. and (2) I don't work so I don't have much money to go out that often. My friend told it was just a part of being an "adult". Lol I guess he's right but it just sucks when you want to go out. I think I need to sort of accept this reality because of the shift schedhule expected of a nurse. I miss the financial independency though. If I wanted to go out or if my friend's birthday was coming up I'd work for a couple of weekends and I'd have money set aside for them. Ah well...keep telling myself my time will come, right now it's a matter of getting my stuff done.

Found this funny picture on the net... LOL

Steve Jobs

A forward from my uncle:

In his famous 2005 commencement speech to Stanford University, Steve Jobs said of his time at Reed:

“It wasn’t all romantic. I didn’t have a dorm room, so I slept on the floor in friends’ rooms,
I returned coke bottles for the 5 cent deposits to buy food with,
and I would walk the seven miles across town every Sunday night to get one good meal a week at the Hare Krishna temple.”

evenings

What I hate about the evening shifts is by the time I'm home, it's 12 am. Hunger begins to linger around the corner and I am ready to eat a big meal.
I want to sleep but I'm a little paranoid. Watched Paranormal Activity 2 the other day and still have the jitters. A friend and I went out to a haunted area and then watched the movie in the car. I swear we thought we saw something standing in the wooded area too. Maybe our eyes were playing tricks on us.
*panics and looks around the room* I know! I fell asleep with the TV on last night because I was scared and I even checked my closet and under my bed before getting into bed. Nevertheless there's a weird thrill.

gabapentin

What an exhausting week. I swear it feels so weird waking up at 6 am in the morning on weekends. Don't know how people do it. It should be illegal or like a religious rule not to come into work until like 11 am. I had a birthday party last night and I swear once 1030 hit I was grumpy and ready to get to bed. It was such a tiring day, I don't even know why. I was starting to dose off at the computer when I was charting.
Then we got a direct admission from Muskoka. And I don't know I just get this rush when I have to deal with emergency like situations so I was more alert. I got the patient's vital, helped the paramedics (oh yah ;)) get her into her bed, did her swabs and assessed her fracture. So one of the paramedics was pretty cute, we kept making eye contact, flirty glances and smiles. Hey! I was having a slow day okay and this was my pick-me-up. And yes ladies he was cute! Tall, dark hair, cute friendly smile; the works! ;) But yeah after all that chaos, I was a bit more alert. My preceptor was like I think you are more awake because of the cute paramedic. Bahaha not even. Me and him are alot more cool and close now (as you can tell). I was complaining how I'm cold and he was like are you on your period? I was like seriously we've come that close that you're asking me if I'm on my period?
Lol Now as for studying, let me tell you how much I'm sucking at it. Luckily tuesday I have a day off. I thought I was working all week... but I'm going to use that day to catch up on studying. I also have the weekend off to do some more chapters. I was intending on coming home and sleeping but I had a small ice cap for lunch so I think I must be piped up on the caffiene and can't really sleep. Ah well.
Yesterday I got to go to the morgue to see the removal of two eyes which was going to be used for corneal transplant. It was amazing. An eye transplant is the only organ which you don't need a sterile field or an OR, so we did it right in the morgue. It was so morbid, like there is this eerie feeling to being in a morgue. Anyways the procedure was pretty cool. The doctor snipped off the muscles that moves the eyeball left to right. Then he cut off the optic nerve. He then packed the eye balls in normal saline. They then would use the corneas for the transplant. Two people got vision out of the organ donation.

Check out this great MSN video: Old Couple Can't Figure Out Webcam

Eleanor Roosevelt

I gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which I must stop and look fear in the face... I say to myself, I've lived through this and can take the next thing that comes along... We must do the things we think we cannot do.

oh lord

Patient needed a pack of ice for his pain. I walk out of his room, look down the unit and in walks in this really hot tall guy. He's wearing a nice dark suit, probably less then 27 years old, cute eyes and friendly warm smile. I walk into the clean utility room to grab the bag and walk to the pantry to put some ice in it. He's standing there with two other older men in suits as well. "Well hello hello Mr. eye candy" I said in my head. Grab the ice and get a good look at him from the front. He had this white piece where his tie was suppose to me. Oh my God he's a priest! And for some reason I felt sinful for checking him out that way.
So far clinicals are pretty good. Alot of broken bones. I got to practice alot of my nursing skills from iv set up, wound dressings and yesterday I got remove staples out of a patient. The evening shifts aren't so bad compared to days so I'm a little nervous about that. The nurses I work with seem really cool and laid back. My first day was pretty interesting. Most of the patients we get are from the ER or surgery; so one of the patients heart rate shot up to 165 (normal is 60-100). The nurse then informed the doctor and an ECG was suppose to be done on her. By the time the attending came she reverted back to normal sinus. Yesterday we got a new admission who fractured his femur. He was a young guy and we had to unfortunately cut off his underwear to do a rectal swab and also so he can pee. We told him that we had to do it because we cannot move a leg AT ALL after it's been fractured. There were tractions and weights in place so he was completly immobilized until his surgery. So we had to cut off his underwear. I give my nurse the scissors and he goes in his thick accent"Ohhh Armani eh? made in hong kong? china?" Im standing there going :| trying not to laugh and the patient lets out a small laugh, smiles and says China. Thank god the poor guy had his morphine.

=]

today is the day

I begin my first shift at 3:30 and I'll be off at 11:30. Yeah I'm pretty nervous, but I made it this far into the program so I must know my shit right? Hmm. I still need to review, I've got my first exam 7 weeks away so I need to get started. It's just I don't know where! It's a bit overwhelming seeing that I can be tested on anything from the past two years and we have no outline. to study from Our guide is the NCLEX-PN examination review book we were to purchase. But I should look through my course outlines and review the weekly topics or look through my old lecture slides/notes.
As for today I'm sorta thrilled to go in, it's definitely going to be one heck of an experience. But I'm more nervous than anything. I don't want to be taken advantaged of nor do I want to deal with catty nurses. I keep questioning if I know everything maybe I should review. Maybe I should have reviewed?! AHH! There definitely is much more freedom with pre-grad, but with that freedom comes responsibility. Like I need to study on my own and figure out what to study. Of course, I think the shifts are going to be tiring as well, but I'm hoping I adjust. I'm trying to stay as organized as possible to stay on top of things.
As for him, I began to realize that maybe I saw what I wanted to see. I mean it was unorthodox the way we met but factors point that it is nothing more than friends. I'm slowly beginning to realize that just because it doesn't work out and mount to something that it's not the end, there are more people out there to meet. And also that sometimes for people they just don't have that "happy ending" or "finding someone". I personally believe that the universe is going to drive me through the sludge just because (a) I seem to want the company of someone and (b) I've had the company of two serious relationships for a span of 5 years.and (c) I need to learn how to be without it.
And it's not like I haven't learnt it. I think I have changed a lot for what has been almost a year. Nevertheless, once I met this guy feels like I threw all that out the window. I guess I really haven't thrown it out because I am aware of who I am. But I guess it's like a challenge.Thus, the universe intends on dangling the carrot in front of me and saying "hey, here's a cute guy who you seem to click with and has a pretty stable job, but guess what it's not going to mount to anything more than a friendship because you need to learn that not every guy that walks into your life is going to be that." I mean in hindsight I know that, but it's about getting it engraved in my head. I guess it's all a learning process? Thankfully, I have school to distract me and consume my thoughts. And quite frankly, my pride kicks in and goes "why would you want a guy who you wanted to date badly, got your hopes up like a gitty school girl and get shot down?" If a guy is interested, it will show.

Religious Guilt

I want to be left alone. Yeah, don't want to talk to anyone...just want to be alone. But my mom wants to go to the temple because my brother and I start school tomorrow and also it's their wedding anni. I feel like shit for not wanting to go and on top of that I haven't gotten my parents anything. But they understand, I'm broke and just left my job. We initially assumed it was my mom and I, now my grandfather (maternal) and my grandmother (paternal) want to come too. Leaving my other grandfather home alone, which is going to make my mom freak because well he has Alzheimer's and he's home alone. Now everyone has to get ready and drive up to the temple which is time consuming.
It's so sad that I am not even excited for pre-grad, not even the one bit. My anxiety has consumed my mind that I am not excited for it. It's unfortunate but I'm hoping actually going to the hospital and getting a feel for the environment may change things. Tomorrow is my orientation and then I begin my clinical hours. *sigh* My confidence and the questioning of my ability is interfering with my love for nursing. I have two forms to fill out for tomorrow.
The anxiety is overwhelming, I just want to be alone.

oh my

As September 8th lingers closer and closer, I can't help but feel like I am constantly being infused with high levels of anxiety. I keep telling myself, just suck it up and give it your ALL for the next four months. Don't stop for a second to think of anyone else but yourself and get through it. Yes, it may seem selfish but for those who love me know how much of a pain in the ass this semester is going to be. I really don't know how I am going to adjust to the 12 hours shifts and the overwhelming stress. I keep questioning my ability and wondering about how good my preceptor and clinical teacher is going to be.
As I vented in panic to a friend the other day, she said just get yourself organized, it will be a great start. I really should do that. My brother moved out so we disposed his desks and moved in my desk and bookshelf into his room. Now his room has turned into sort of a study for me. His bed is still there though. My parents moved his TV to my room. But yeah, there is a shit load of clutter like paper work and notes to be organized.
Then of course I need to prepare stuff for my pre-grad. It's all overwhelming but I think it's basically just getting started. I guess all this preparation is a good distraction from my stupid thoughts.
Maybe it's a matter of taking it all at one step at a time. I know it's possible for me to get through this. LOL I keep telling myself that. I've accomplished alot just looking back from one year ago. So maybe it's a matter of just adapting, adjusting and making sure I make time for myself.
Gahh my head hurts, I am going to make some tea. I guess the best part of it getting a bit chilly is I can finally drink a hot cup of tea. And HOCKEY SEASON.

hiking photos

reciprocation

That annoying feeling where you feel like you are there for people but wish that someone was there to have your back. I know I am one to ponder on a little more than the typical person and stress more about things. It's just when you really need someone to vent to, and no ones there one can't help but feel exasperated. I'm not going to sit there and call everyone on my phone list to complain about my stupid drama. But it'd be nice just to have someone listen to you. and actually give you their time and help. I can't help but wonder why do I bother? Maybe I should just step back and do my own thing? I can't help but question am I too dependent on my friends? Am I too needy? Maybe it's about learning to be on your own, figure out your shit without anyones help.
I think I need to learn that friendship, like relationships, is a two way street and you both have to give and take. And when it's not working that way, maybe you should re-consider the friendship. Guess it's all a learning process...maybe the final step of all this crap I've been submersing myself is learning to be on my own without the support of friends. In the end, if people are like this one has to accept that..that's fucking life.
Included two photos from hiking...going to add a several more.

awkward moment

the awkward moment when a couple is mistaken for siblings.
I got that alot with my ex. =\

I was suppose to go kayaking today. That was a flop. My mom needed me to drop her off in downtown. Mind you it's a pain driving in downtown, especially where I used to live. Crazy people and drivers. By the time I got back it was too late. So, came home, ate, packed my bag and went hiking. I spent a good amount of time there. It was ridiculosuly peaceful and I lavished every second. I ate my snack, walked some more for a bit, used the bathroom (it's hard finding a bathroom when your on the trails), sat down to write in my journal and started the hike again.. All those crazy thoughts that fly about in your head just settle down. I kept walking and climbing until it began getting dark. Then I headed back to my car. I didn't even notice how tired I was until I got home. I got some photos, they were okay.

AWOLNATION - Sail

painting

So I decided to get a little creative, chose a random photo in my albums (coincidentally it was the owl) and I worked on it. I used Adobe Photoshop CS4, listened to my ipod and let my imagination work its magic. What I really like about the turn out is the the owls feathers are patterned in a way that resembles a tiger. hmm..pretty neat.

Red Hot Chili Peppers - Otherside [Official Music Video]

infliction

OversharerImpairedgiverDoormatUnnoticed
Grab the cement paste and the bricks, it's time to put up the walls.

Say Something Nice

it went well

I was nervous about going on the hike today. Lol I even had this anxiety attack kick in going on my own. I worried on what others might think, but getting there it wasn't as bad as it seemed. There were even few other people there on their own. I got some really good shots. My favourite one is the one above of the owl. Pretty eerie but still a good shot. :)

finger11- whatever doesn't kill me

Whatever doesn't kill me
Doesn't make me stronger
But I'm not gonna give up yet
And if these walls should weaken
I'm still strong enough to know
I'm gonna build them up again

Miss USA 2011- Should Evolution be taught in schools?

It sucks that they are equating Evolution as if it's a belief system. That's not the case, there are countless research and evidence to prove the theory behind Evolution. It's not a religion.

Foster The People - Pumped Up Kicks

just sit back and chill

guys

Two things that guys do that annoys me:

1. Overuse the word "bro"
2. Do their eyebrowsto the point that it's obvious.

Albus

“Tell me one last thing,” said Harry. “Is this real? Or has this been happening inside my head?”
“Of course it is happening inside your head, Harry, but why on earth should that mean that it is not real?”

desires

The mind acts like an enemy for those who do not control it.

back

I am back from camping and still very exhausted. It was a fun trip aside from the crappy weather. The coldness was the type that made your muscles ache in the morning and water was dripping into our tent. Regardless we got to do some fun things like hiking, going to the beach, our attempt to fish, canoeing, making smores, and of course getting drunk in our tent. LOL Now it's just a matter of adjusting to the fact that I'm going to have nothing to do for the next week or two. Which I don't mind but just not looking forward to getting used to it and only having to go back to school. I have to meet up with a few people to catch up before school starts too.
I guess the time away and my best friend's bitching helped me realize somethings. I am thinking way too much into things. What really stuck in my head was when she said see if he's worthy to even be with you . Which was really true, I fail to think that and jump ahead. So it was a good reality check.
My grandmother was supposed to have an appointment with a lung specialist. It was annoying because it was picking and prodding at my head for most of the trip. I then come back and find out that we can't make the appointment with the specialist her doctor has to do it for her and get hr in through referral. I know it was just monday yesterday but it would be nice to get her in so we can get whatever treatment necessary soon. I guess since her symptoms are not so severe they are holding off. But what if it is cancer? Isn't better to do soon before it spreads. Hmm...
I'll call the doctors today and ask them. I hate her doctor's though, they are just so disorganized.

Jack Layton's letter

Jack Layton's final letter to all Canadians, dated Saturday, Aug. 20, 2011, two days before he died:

Dear Friends,
Tens of thousands of Canadians have written to me in recent weeks to wish me well. I want to thank each and every one of you for your thoughtful, inspiring and often beautiful notes, cards and gifts. Your spirit and love have lit up my home, my spirit, and my determination.

Unfortunately my treatment has not worked out as I hoped. So I am giving this letter to my partner Olivia to share with you in the circumstance in which I cannot continue.

I recommend that Hull-Aylmer MP Nycole Turmel continue her work as our interim leader until a permanent successor is elected.

I recommend the party hold a leadership vote as early as possible in the New Year, on approximately the same timelines as in 2003, so that our new leader has ample time to reconsolidate our team, renew our party and our program, and move forward towards the next election.

A few additional thoughts:

To other Canadians who are on journeys to defeat cancer and to live their lives, I say this: please don’t be discouraged that my own journey hasn’t gone as well as I had hoped. You must not lose your own hope. Treatments and therapies have never been better in the face of this disease. You have every reason to be optimistic, determined, and focused on the future. My only other advice is to cherish every moment with those you love at every stage of your journey, as I have done this summer.

To the members of my party: we’ve done remarkable things together in the past eight years. It has been a privilege to lead the New Democratic Party and I am most grateful for your confidence, your support, and the endless hours of volunteer commitment you have devoted to our cause. There will be those who will try to persuade you to give up our cause. But that cause is much bigger than any one leader. Answer them by recommitting with energy and determination to our work. Remember our proud history of social justice, universal health care, public pensions and making sure no one is left behind. Let’s continue to move forward. Let’s demonstrate in everything we do in the four years before us that we are ready to serve our beloved Canada as its next government.

To the members of our parliamentary caucus: I have been privileged to work with each and every one of you. Our caucus meetings were always the highlight of my week. It has been my role to ask a great deal from you. And now I am going to do so again. Canadians will be closely watching you in the months to come. Colleagues, I know you will make the tens of thousands of members of our party proud of you by demonstrating the same seamless teamwork and solidarity that has earned us the confidence of millions of Canadians in the recent election.

To my fellow Quebecers: On May 2nd, you made an historic decision. You decided that the way to replace Canada’s Conservative federal government with something better was by working together in partnership with progressive-minded Canadians across the country. You made the right decision then; it is still the right decision today; and it will be the right decision right through to the next election, when we will succeed, together. You have elected a superb team of New Democrats to Parliament. They are going to be doing remarkable things in the years to come to make this country better for us all.

To young Canadians: All my life I have worked to make things better. Hope and optimism have defined my political career, and I continue to be hopeful and optimistic about Canada. Young people have been a great source of inspiration for me. I have met and talked with so many of you about your dreams, your frustrations, and your ideas for change. More and more, you are engaging in politics because you want to change things for the better. Many of you have placed your trust in our party. As my time in political life draws to a close I want to share with you my belief in your power to change this country and this world. There are great challenges before you, from the overwhelming nature of climate change to the unfairness of an economy that excludes so many from our collective wealth, and the changes necessary to build a more inclusive and generous Canada. I believe in you. Your energy, your vision, your passion for justice are exactly what this country needs today. You need to be at the heart of our economy, our political life, and our plans for the present and the future.

And finally, to all Canadians: Canada is a great country, one of the hopes of the world. We can be a better one – a country of greater equality, justice, and opportunity. We can build a prosperous economy and a society that shares its benefits more fairly. We can look after our seniors. We can offer better futures for our children. We can do our part to save the world’s environment. We can restore our good name in the world. We can do all of these things because we finally have a party system at the national level where there are real choices; where your vote matters; where working for change can actually bring about change. In the months and years to come, New Democrats will put a compelling new alternative to you. My colleagues in our party are an impressive, committed team. Give them a careful hearing; consider the alternatives; and consider that we can be a better, fairer, more equal country by working together. Don’t let them tell you it can’t be done.
My friends, love is better than anger. Hope is better than fear. Optimism is better than despair. So let us be loving, hopeful and optimistic. And we’ll change the world.

All my very best,
Jack Layton


http://livenews.thestar.com/Event/Jack_Layton_dead_at_61