Thursday, October 27, 2011

damn it

Turns out the physiotherapist assistant has a gf. No! I didn't do some stalking*shifty eyes*. He casually mentioned her in a conversation ...which..I overheard. Great now I can't daydream about us having lunch in the cafeteria(LMAO) or doing the nasty. It just don't seem right. nahmean?
Well had an awkard moment the other day; I was standing outside the bathroom with the doctor. Talking to the patient giving discharge instruction, while she was IN the bathroom taking a dump. Oh great, just great.
Hmm I think one thing I sort of value of not being in a relationship is not answering the phone. Sometimes I just don't want to talk to anyone or reply back to texts. However, with a bf, you have to reply back to texts, obligated to pick up the phone call and not ignore it on purpose or return phone calls. Most of my friends I get back at or atleast try to. Nevertheless, when I am overwhelmed and don't really feel like talking to anyone, I like having that freedome of being alone.
As I was leaving work today, I spoke to God. Yeah sounds weird when I type and read that to myself. Anyways I was just like Give me something. Something nice to brighten up my days. Don't get me wrong, I love the hospital and what I am doing. But for some reason it bugs me so damn much that there's not that guy in my life to shower me with attention. I'm not seeking for a relationship, just simple company. Anyways, I then got to thinking I would have been fine. Then I met the crush. I was happy on my own, beginning to get comfortable in my own skin and basically blissfully unaware. I should be happy with what I have in life, I am taking it for granted. I really am. I love going to the gym and pushing myself on the machines to the point that the endorphins kicks in, I feel relaxed and nothing else in the world matters because I feel fuckin awesome. I like not having to fix my schedule around a guy in order to make time for us. I like being able to just lie in bed and not do anything and jnot ustify myself to anyone. I like not having to feel guilty or worry if I check out a guy or flirt with someone. I like the idea of only worrying about myself and no significant other. Maybe it's my past experience with my ex and how exteremly tied to the hip we were. But I appreciate the freedom I have, which I once longed. Nevertheless, it seems I keep forgetting these perks and missing the company of a guy more. Why is that? I'm going clubbing tommorow and maybe, just maybe saturday. Plans aren't for sure. But if I was in a relationship, plans need to be certain. I can't just make last minute plans and say "hey hun I'm going clubbing with so and so. See ya!"
I seem to be thinking more about this then the test I have tommorw. Pathetic, I know. Haha. But I am screwed lol theres only so much I can do now. I've done the online modules and sort of reviewed. I dont think I will do that great but hopefully I can catch up by other means. And hopefully this epic fail tommorow will kick some reality in my head to start studying.

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