hum diddly dum

I should be getting ready for bed soon. So hopefully can finish this post up quick. Today was a pretty good day at work, it had it's anxiety filled moments. My preceptor got me to talk to two doctors today. One was a hospitalist and the other one was a surgeon. Both were separate cases in regards to patients that looked a little critical. I was kind of nervous and insecure on whether I gave the sufficient response. Especially the surgeon, he was really pleasant and was questioning me for teaching purposes. But I felt like I should know these answers. So I gave my best shot.

I came home, and got into somewhat of an argument with a friend. I think it's only with people who are truly close to me would I ever open up and say you pissed me off. Otherwise, I'd fume, hold it in and vent out to someone else. LOL I know it's not quite practical because for some reason I don't like cofrontation. Aside from the drama, it's just plain awkward. Like we both were to blame, her for doing what she did and for me for taking it to another level. So right now we aren't talking. I think what frustrates me is that sometimes people could be so set in their ways. Including myself, which triggered me to actually jog back and think were I fucked up in the fight and not let it happen again. But I know with her, that may not be the case. She's probably thinking about the situation and defensively pissed off about it. Not that there's anything wrong with that because it's a defence mechanism and I used to be like that and in some situations I still am. But what bugs me, is she's not going to realize where about she went wrong. Who knows, I do have to give her the benefit of the doubt. Nevertheless, it put a damper on what was a pretty good day at work. I went to the gym, ran my ass off on the treadmill and worked out, it helped in bringing up my mood and helped me clear some thoughts. Self-realization is pretty helpful in being content with yourself. Cheesey, I know, but true.

being a woman

lol what a day; pap test, getting a much overdue waxing, working out and running into cop guy(?).

o.0

Indian MC Hammer: U can't Touch This Curry

hahaha hah prabhu ur dance moves are still kick ass

Justin Bieber - Mistletoe

don't judge me. bahahahahhaha :)

Everybody's Free To Wear SUNSCREEN! (ORIGINAL) + English Subtitles

<3

ugh

I have this weird urge to travel so bad.. A yearning of some sort to get out there and can't be explained. I don't mind travelling with friends or the best friend. But I also want to go somewhere on my own! That's something I want to do sometime really soon. The problem is money. And I guess those kind of opportunities kind of fall into place when the time is right. And I really should be focused on other priorities such as school instead of getting distracted with my desires that are far from reach at the moment. Where I really want to go is Thailand, Nepal, Galapagos Islands and maybe a tropical resort (you know like Cuba). The Galapagos and Nepal are something I can wait for to do during my lifetime. But with a tropical resort or Thailand it would be such a wonderful escape. I would feel awful asking my family because I am sure they themselves have desires to go travel. Especially my grandparents who want to go back home to visit. But at the same time my mom said It's not selfish of you to feel this way, your at that age to explore. We already surpassed that time and got the opportunity to travel. Nevertheless, I can't help but feel like I am leaving them behind or something.

I have to apply for the Bridging program for next September by the end of this month. And we also got a chance to speak with a clinical advisor today in regards to pre-grad and do our simulation labs. She suggested we start giving in resumes and getting our foot in the door for job placements at the hospitals we are at right now in order to get a job. Then we started talking about our licensing exams in January. Don't get me wrong there was a thrill and a positive side to it, but it was almost as if it was sudden once we hit November. One hit after another, after another to get certain things done that have a great impact on everything. I am a little nervous...

I'm sure

found

cry baby

I came home from The National Women's Show with my friends and plopped down on the couch. My mom was watching a tamil film called, Engeyum Eppodhum. It was pretty good. The whole anticipatory build up and tension between the two couples were pretty cute to watch. The plot then goes on in which these two buses crash, with numerous fatalities. There was this one scene in the movie where this father was on the bus coming back from Saudi to see his little daughter. The daughter called and the father gave the phone over to the man sitting beside him to kind of prove to his daughter that he is on his way back home. It reminded me of myself where I'd talk to my dad while he was in Canada and I was back home in Sri Lanka. I'd ask him when I was going to see him and according to my mom he'd sit there silently on the phone with her after because he was crying due to the pain and the distance between his family. So in the movie, the father was on one of the buses which gets involved in a head on collision with another bus. The father dies and as they pull him away on the gurney/stretcher the cell phone is ringing and it's the little daughter calling. Oh my GOD, I cried like a baby. My father and I aren't close. Quite frankly, we never got along possibly because we were so much alike, that it worked against us. And I guess with the first three years my dad being MIA(my father also worked in Saudi) in my life obviously also put that strain on our father-daughter relationship.

Today was a fun outing with the girls. I also seem to have a crush on one of the actor's(Sharvanand) from the film. bahahaha. ok! not a crush because he does his eyebrows and that's such a turn off, but damn he's pretty good looking.

i miss reading...

“There is only one thing that makes a dream impossible to achieve: the fear of failure.”

The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho

ugh

I left my cell phone at home. I'm not one of those folks who needs my phone by me every second of the day, okay maybe when I'm bored. But, when I'm driving home I get all anxious and nervous that my car might come to a halt and I have no means of communication to get help.
Anyways I'm at school reading about labour and pregnancy (it's a topic I seem to have a hard time grasping( and it's really grossing me out.
Submitted my application to graduate today, it felt weird. Feels as if it's not going to be a big deal for my family so I don't really expect them to come to my graduation. I mean come on it's not what they expected; a york graduate etc with the huge stadium in front of all those fancy people. But it sure is going to be a huge ass accomplishment for me, so kind of looking forward to it. For the moment, I should focus on actually passing this semester and getting to the stage of actually graduating. That being said I should get back to studying.

patient

it's not about the destination but more importantly the journey.

oh, how much I forget to acknowledge that on a weekly even daily basis? With school and yes, I'm going to say it even, society. It demands productivity and drills into our head goal oriented efficacy. Nevertheless, most successful people are those who get things done, duh! But what I seem to have a hard time getting past personally, is how to revel in the "moment" without getting caught up with thoughts in regards to the future.

oh gosh I need to study and pass my exam.

Oh gosh! I need to apply to graduate. (shit that reminds me ; today is the last day to apply to graduate! thank god I'm going to school to study before clinicals.)

oh shit I need to write my licensing exam and get a job.

oh shit by the time I graduate I'll be 25 and my parents would want me married off.

oh shit am I going to get an arrange marriage?

I am sure I am not the only one who has this mindset. But, it's safe to say: it would not hurt to look at things with a in the moment mentality and worry about obstacles when you cross over that bridge. When something is meant to happen in life, be it a job opportunity, a marriage, a child or a bowel movement; it will happen on its accord. What I and probably others need to recognize is, sit back, smoke a joint (kidding!) and let things flow.

mmm

oh drizzy

YouTube Challenge - I Told My Kids I Ate All Their Halloween Candy

BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAH!!

time

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
Courage to change the things I can,
And wisdom to know the difference.

ugh

I feel I should go to the doctor, but ugh! Awkward...

granny

Somehow I land myself in these unique, awkward, uncomfortable and/or plain ass messed up situations. It's gotten to the point that I can only laugh at myself. What can I do? Ah well, atleast when I'm a granny I'd have some pretty good stories and wise ass insight to share.
For some, the pieces fall into place. For others, you strenously go through obstacles to achieve something in life. Nevertheless, I think those things that come more difficult, are the ones you learn to appreciate more.
Pictures are from the movie Up.

Coldplay - Paradise

it was needed

I called in sick to clinicals. I am not really sick. There's a shit load of work to catch up on, hence the day off. I don't know how others are doing it, really I don't! But a part of me knows I'm not alone, I mean if the class average for our test was 50%, I'm definitely not alone. That, however, doesn't justify me doing poorly in school. I keep telling myself to get myself together and "organize". And I get the only way to avoid stress is by managing your time and organizing. Which of course is what I've lacked these past two months. It's not too late to ace this semester. LOL I feel like a fool self-assuring myself on my blog. But I'm not, I know I've got potential, it's just I let the stress overwhelm and intimidate me. I mean if this was any other semester in which I had courses and only two days of clinicals(which was like only 5 hours) and I was doing poorly, then yes I'd be pissed off at myself. So, yes the clinicals hours are excusable for me to be tired and behind in school but now it's got to come to a stop and I start getting myself together. I try my hardest to balance out going to the gym, clinicals and school, but it's clear I got figure out a new way to get things done. If I can graduate this semester with a decent mark and manage the 40 hours of clinicals /week, then that will be one great accomplishment for me. It's not easy, it is a challenge, so I hope I overcome it and attain my goal.
Like I mentioned before, I ended up calling him and sent him a text to call me back. Nothing. He texted me asking if everything was okay. I said yes and that I had a question. No response since. I saw him on MSN a few times; never messaged me. So, I am going to logically assume what I intially thought: he invited me out to go to a secluded park at night to drink and when I said no to the suggestion of booze, he cut off connection(probably to find someone else who was more available in such department). I asked a guy friend of mine; he laughed and said he wanted ass. Ahh well. It's done with, and it was definitely for the better.

whale

I realized how disorganized my life was when I was brushing my teeth the other morning, it tasted weird so I looked at the tooth paste tube. I was brushing my teeth with expired toothpaste...

I've noticed that I am having dreams about whales. This is my second one, in the past month. I mean I have reoccuring dreams of me being at the hospital, which make sense because I do that stuff on a daily basis. But a whale?!

So I googled it and I'm guessing the whale probably symbolizes school and my struggle to balance clinical work and studying;

Whale

To see a whale in your dream, represents your intuition and awareness. You are in tuned with your sense of spirituality. Alternatively, a whale symbolizes a relationship or business project that may be too big to handle. You are feeling overwhelmed. The dream may also be a pun on "wailing" and a desire to cry out about something.

http://www.dreammoods.com/dreamdictionary/w3.htm

Whale - The whale is one of the most powerful symbols of nature in the sea. This dream is associated with strength and leadership at work. If we look at the whale as a mammal that lives in water this is associated with life and birth. In literature and dream interpretation, along with the other water mammals, the whale is associated with a forceful and sturdy, animal, which can drive us forward.

http://www.auntyflo.com/dream-dictionary/animal-or-animals