Wednesday, September 7, 2011

Religious Guilt

I want to be left alone. Yeah, don't want to talk to anyone...just want to be alone. But my mom wants to go to the temple because my brother and I start school tomorrow and also it's their wedding anni. I feel like shit for not wanting to go and on top of that I haven't gotten my parents anything. But they understand, I'm broke and just left my job. We initially assumed it was my mom and I, now my grandfather (maternal) and my grandmother (paternal) want to come too. Leaving my other grandfather home alone, which is going to make my mom freak because well he has Alzheimer's and he's home alone. Now everyone has to get ready and drive up to the temple which is time consuming.
It's so sad that I am not even excited for pre-grad, not even the one bit. My anxiety has consumed my mind that I am not excited for it. It's unfortunate but I'm hoping actually going to the hospital and getting a feel for the environment may change things. Tomorrow is my orientation and then I begin my clinical hours. *sigh* My confidence and the questioning of my ability is interfering with my love for nursing. I have two forms to fill out for tomorrow.
The anxiety is overwhelming, I just want to be alone.

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