Halloween is not so popular..

....in Markham. the bright side? MORE CHOCOLATE FOR ME! :)

I went to utsc to study today. I feel like I roasted my brain like a turkey on thanksgiving.

There are still kids coming for trick or treating. My chocolate reserve is going to diminish...I swear the next kid that comes I'm going to open the door and tell them "it's 9 oclock go home and get to bed! YOU HAVE SCHOOL TOMMOROW!!!" bahahahaha sorry Im kinda looney my brain is fried. Yes I've entered the hysterical phase of test preparation. lalalallala

fuck

Im doing a group paper and my focus is on sex trafficking in Canada. And it is turning my guts inside out readings things like girls the age of 14 are forced into having sex for money, and then have to hand over their cash to their pimps. *sigh* Regardless, of how well-polished our country is, it still has some deep cracks.

A family run prostitution network in Canada made more than $1 million in two years by prostituting foreign women. A man, his son, his wife, their daughter and daughter-in-law all recruited females who participated in the overall operation. Many of the 20 prostitutes -- aged 23 to 39 -- were related to the operators by marriage or blood, Murarotto said. They worked out of apartments and each turned over at least $15,000 a year to the operators (George Christopoulos, "Family Ran Prostitution Ring," Toronto Sun, 16 May 1998)

Xuong Han Luong faces charges of owning a brothel in Toronto, Canada, and living off the avails of prostitution. He held at least five Thai women in the brothel, forcing them into prostitution. Although the brothel was raided in 1996, police believe the same group reopened it. (Rob Lamberti, "Cops Raid Den of Thai Sex ‘Salves’ 2 Men Arrested For Running Bawdy House," Toronto Sun, 10 May 1998)

calms my nerves

and so

Yet again I am sick. It's as if I am immuno-compromised or something,. I's most likely due to the stress and the fact there is a cold bug going around. But yeah I just feel terrible. I went to my other campus to pay my school payments for next semester and then I took my grandparents to the doctor. Now I am just waiting for them to call so I can go pick them up, come back and sleep. The pain in the ass is going to be when I have to do the RESP stuff when I get my timetable.
I should be studying for health assesment but Im sick, and I just want a nap before I even openi my book. Luckily, my friend and I split the notes. We all have these basic notes that our professors give us, its our duty to fill 'em in and bring it to class. So, she did heart while I am doing lungs.

It's like moving mountains... hey.
But I keep climbing and hoping things would change
And the sky turns gray, and the water from the rain washes progress away.
It's like moving mountains...

love/addiction

“Because no matter how badly a thing is hurting us,

sometimes letting it go is even worse.”

– Meredith Grey (Grey’s Anatomy, Season 4, Episode 2)

ARGH

You know I spent a good 45 minutues typing out a whole page of how I feel.
And then I pressed CTRL+A followed by the delete button.
I thought it's getting easy to talk about everything, it's not. I keep getting sucked back into the hole of emotions like guilt, shame, fear and grief.
Why can't I just have the good old days back?No I can't and yes I've tried... I've tried over and over again numerous of times. But it never worked. I keep telling myself that. It's just I don't believe it. I just wanted to stop getting hurt, I just want the good ol' days back.
It's never going to happen, I know it.

hope or regression?

My new favourite artist, I heard her song "The Way I am" (which I urge you guys to check out it has a nice cute and bubbly beat to it) on Grey's Anatomy. Another good song is "Giving up"

Yes it's a last bit of hope and I'm sure other who are watching would assume that what I am thinking is foolish. But really I have know other justification, I know it's silly.

helpless

I think that people pray sometimes when they have a lack of control in their life or in the world. Have you ever prayed for a stranger? Maybe the man staring admiringly at a scooter that's on for sale? Maybe a child overseas who needs just $500 more to get into high school? We don't know where prayers will take us or where they will go but we do it so that someone or something out there can make it better. We pray for people that are close to us or even for those who were once close to us because there is only so much we can do. Do prayers work? I'm not sure because I can't prove it, but I got to believe in something, someone or some spirit just to get by. We see in the movies where the villains get down on their knees and remorsefully express their guilt to God, say a prayer and then they go on to kill yet another victim that stands before them. Sometimes a prayer can be like a drug, to soothe that frustration and guilt. If there is something, someone or some spirit out there, is it/she/he listening? Maybe, but maybe only certain prayers can be answered and certain prayers aren't because we got to do our work to meet attain the results of the prayer. And maybe, prayers aren't answered because it doesn't fit the grand scheme of plans.

that thong thong thong thong

So the other day I was getting ready to go to the gym. A girl was just standing there texting...in her g-string like nothing was going on. Whatever.. I avoid looking in her direction and keep changing. I know! I shouldn't be a hater. haha Anyways, in walks a mother and her two daughters. The little one was very talkative and inquistive. Mind you, the chick was still in her thong but she had left ..yes still in her thong somewhere else in the changeroom but left her locker open. So here's how it went from there:
Little girl: Mommy someone forgot to lock their locker!
Mom: They probably went to go get something they'll be back, now come here and get ready for swimming.
Little girl is now walking over to the locker to close it
Mom: get back here *insert name*
Girl in thong comes back and mother embarrasingly apologizes and explains why the daugther did it.
Little girl: Mommy what is she wearing?
Mom: *akward tone*uhm.. she's wearing underwear
Little girl: but ...why is it so small?
Me: *bursts out laughing* (I couldn't hold it in..but of course thong girl turns around and looks at me at this point!) I looked at the mother and said she's really cute (not thong girl her daughter!!)
Mom: yeah she likes to ask alot of question
Of course at this point there is this akward tension lingering the change room so I started talking with the little girl and the mom. And thong girl finally put on some pants :)

FLU SHOT

I got my flu shot. Now for those of you who know me, I am not an eager beaver on getting flu shots. But I understand if you are old and wrinkly and you need those shots to work on behalf of your immune system. In other words ou fall into the vulnerbale population that is prone to get sick from teh flu and can be determental. Seeing that I will be doing my clinical hours next semester, it is mandatory I get the shot. It's been a good 6 hours and the side effects of the god damn thing has settled in; I have a slight fever, I feel like crap (malaise) and my body aches. Oh and of course I decide to go to the gym after my Flu shot, MMR shot and TB shot. Which of course I didn't feel the reaction right away but here my body is trying to compensate for energy expenditure on the work out and of course on whatever is in my DAMN BODY!
No, this does not mean I have the flu. They did not put a live virus in me, but there are the side effects because even though it's a dead virus.. its a frikken VIRUS. AND MY DOCTOR DIDNT GIVE ME A LOLLIPOP!!

Cristina and Burke dance

love this song and love this scene =)

Letter

If my mind could speak this is what it would say:

To Emotions, I really wish you'd shut the fuck up and give me some peace and balance. Enough with the pity, sadness, and enough with the anger! I see you make some progress and heck it relieves me..but why do you let us get dragged down two steps when we make three steps forward?

To Memories, okay I know you exist! Of coure you are always going to be there but seriously you are not making things easy by just showing up right now. Just give me my space and let me accept reality for what it is.

To Self- Motivation, well isn't good to see you after a long frikken time? I guess you showed up with the help of strength? Well better late than never, I need you now more then ever.

To Strength, I never knew your potential but I've been seeing alot of you lately. Thank you for getting me through this.

To sanity, it's messed up. I notice you walking around with such a business-like gait .But, I know deep down you wanna be in a corner crying because emotions and memories just won't leave you alone.

We fail to realize the choices we have in life. We really do! We plan, strive and when we fail we beat ourselves up over it. Making decisions in life... some people don't have the courage to do it. They rather just sit comfortably where they are and endure it. It was big blow to my ego and pride (in fact I think it's still a tad bruised,) when I decided to switch from university to college. But I am not saying I have courage, I wish I could get more of that. It's more like I've made some tough decisions in my life. We all do. Sometimes I wish I had a chance to click rewind and redo, whether it be personal or professional. But if I did that I think I have failed to realize the reason I went through the shit and how much I've learnt from it. I think this is how life works ; you know when your going down a water slide in those big inflatable doughnuts at a waterpark. You're screaming at a high pitch and you have the power to stear right or left... but you really don't know the turns of the slide and what direction it's gonna go. LOL I hope Im making sense. Power, it's something that is so peculiar in this universe. Because to a certain degree we have a sense of control over it. I have a sense of control of whom I speak to, what I eat, and whether I will attend my physical exam next week(not looking forward to that PAP exam :|). Those plans will then reinforce any other future plans. However, than there are those others plans; I"'m going to marry him, afterwards we are going to wait a while and then have children." OR "I am going to be come a RPN, after that I am going to do my bridging and after that I am going to study to become an RN." That "stuff" has a different "book keeper". Some of us (including me) merely make those plans to feel a sense of control over their life, because the future is unknown. Of course, I'd be crushed if nursing doesnt work out for me. Just like I've been crushed when certain things don't go my way as I planned out it to be. Regarding nursing, "Being crushed" is an understatement, only because I've been working so hard for this and wanting it so bad. However, if it's not what it's cut out to be theeeeeeeenn fuck my water slide is ONE FUCKIN TWISTED SLIDE! I guess when it comes to nursing like good old eminem put it: "Sucess is my only motherfucking option, failure's not..."

=\

"Humans plan,
God laughs."

hmmm

Sometimes I'm so passive that I think people take advantage of me. Then when I look back I get pissed of at myself for not just saying no. It pisses me off that people can assume that I will do as they say when really I am not like that. I have this annoying habit to take responsiblity in my hands when its not my responsiblity! I have this annoying habit of not standing up for myself when people dumb me down or make me look stupid. And then I reflect back upon those incidents and go why did I let he/she speak to me disrepectfully? Of course with my passivity no one will know if it bugs me or not. I don't like to be dumbed down because I'm not.

can not sleep

shooting stars on my mind

Its Kind of a Funny Story Movie Trailer (HD)

interesting..different...has my favourite actor...carefree...cute

taste

I am bitter.

oh lovely

Osteoclasts (work my pretties..work) --> http://education.vetmed.vt.edu/Curriculum/VM8054/Labs/Lab8/IMAGES/OSTEOCLASTS.jpg

So my visa was hit hard today. Puh-leasssse don't judge me! First of all I needed it and secondly it was therapeutic. >=P I just got the basics (i.e. skinny jeans!). I guess I never realized how materialistic and how much I prized my possessions until they were gone. I also took out some of my old clothes as well, like I had these blue jeans that I loved from GRADE 8. Yeah so some of the stuff like that had to go! But whatever I have to start somewhere right, it's like osteoclast and osteoblast activity.. one breaks down the bone and releases calcium into the blood while the other one uses the calcium to build up the bone. Ok lol I’m going to shut up.
I spent last night and today afternoon with my friend who slept over. We watched Step Brothers. I've been practising my blood pressure readings. I can finally say she was the first one that I got a proper reading 110/60 woot woot! But yeah I guess it's a matter of keeping up with the practice so it's perfected for clinical in January. We also got some studying done (surprisingly). My new obsession: Grey's Anatomy...yes I've been converted. :| After that I have plans to watch Hawthrone, with Jada Pinkett Smith. It’s a show about a Chief Nursing Officer, so obviously you know why I am interested in that.
This weekend of my CPR classes. Tonight I need to start working on my paper even though there's an extension I really should get started. Bah I feel like no matter how much work I am putting in there is still work to be done. This is what happens when I put things off.

Strip me

Take what you want

Steal my pride

Build me up,

Or cut me down to size

Shut me up,

But I'll just scream

I'm one only one voice in a million

But you aint taking that from me !

The Fray - Heartless

This ones better compared to Kanye's rendition. :)

Breakeven by The Script

They say bad things happen for a reason
But no wise words gonna stop the bleeding

It's hard

but it's time I get things back together. I haven't touched my work in ages, my room was a mess (but I cleaned it today=] ), and I need to go back to the gym! Oh and don't even ask me about my eating habits. For the first week I was living off only chocolate cheesecake and rice pudding (seriously Im not exagerrating). So with my work piled up past my head and mid-term crunch approaching next week I really should get started.
It's been a while since I meditated...I think I should try it tonight.

Hi God!

Lead me from the unreal to the Real.

Lead me from darkness unto Light.

Lead me from death to Immortality.

Shakira- Loca

And I'm crazy but you like it loca loca loca (8)

It's a good song by Shakira. But not a fan of her body makes me want to shove a big mac down her mouth. =]

Look what you people have done

1700% Project: Mistaken for Muslim from Anida Yoeu Ali on Vimeo.

From Bitch Magazine

heated debate

There was a heated debate in our global citizenship class. Some idiot and I’m sorry the person IS AN IDIOT had the audacity to say that homosexuality is a hormonal imbalance. I was so pissed I was like "excuseeee me?!" The professor was shocked. So what I had to say if I was a lesbian and I went and got a blood test done to test my hormones and my estrogens hormones are at the right level and so is my testosterone. Does that still make me a lesbian or straight? NO. Fuckin idiots are going to corrupt our future generations. Im sorry I don't mean to put her down but I found that comment really offensive.

THINGS I HATE ABOUT WORK

I serve free samples for customers to taste so they can buy them. So here's my list:
(1) YOU DONT COME TO FUCKIN COSTCO TO EAT YOUR LUNCH
ok now that my anger is out here's the rest of the list :)...
(2) parents who fuckin stuff there face with free samples and the kids go "I wanna try" and they go "You won't like it!" so what if they don't like it..and so what if they spit it out because it tastes like crap.. let your frikken child learn!
(3) parents who let their children roam around freelessly and eat any samples..yeah and then when they eat something non veg. like gelatin or something their allergic whos fuckin fault is it? mine? yours? ganesh? old man bob? Of course there is a rule.. we aren't allowed to serve to children.. but you'd be surprise at how many frikken children swarm you. It's like they'd eat you alive.
(4) don't just fuckin stand there in the middle of the MAIN AISLE to talk to someone you havent seen in a long time, to eat your free sample or to wait for your spouse.. move to the fuckin side
(5) THE RULES OF THE ROAD SHOULD APPLY
(6) The children who fuckin make it their goals when they come to shop to eat all the sample. PARENTS REALLY NEED TO SET LIMITS AND TEACH THEM ABOUT MODERATION. It unfortunate because consumerism is fuckin drilled into their head from the looks of it.
(7) Customers who rush me in making samples.. YOU ARE NOT PAYING FOR THESE SAMPLES... IF YOU ARE IN A RUSH TO DO SOMETHING ... IM NOT GOING ANYWHERE UNTIL 4:30 SO GO DO WHATEVER AND COME BACK FOR YOUR SAMPLE. and plus if shopping is so important then why the fuck are you stopping for samples?!?
(8) the vegetarians who pick up food without even inquiring if it's non veg or veg and after they touch the sample they ask me if it's veg..and then i have to tell them no it's non veg and they put it back on my tray. like wtf?! you touch its yours god knows if you picked ur nose prior to touchin that food.
(9) the morons who are in such a rush but have the audacity to take my pita chips out of my bowl and dip it in my jalepeno dip..WHY THE FUCK AM I STANDING HERE WITH AN APRON, HAIRNET, HAT AND GLOVES ON? TO LOOK FUCKIN PRETTY? jesus once i got a customer who took a piece of naan off the stove.. like honestly whats wrong with u people...do you wanna burn yourself and blame me jerk?


douchebagss..Nursing is a thankless job.. My professor told me that and I need to accept that. The only difference between my customers and patients; well you all know theres a difference im hungry and i really dont need to explain!

Glee - Toxic (Official Full Scene) HD

yummmm =)

Glee - Defying Gravity

Something has changed within me
Something is not the same
I'm through with playing by the rules
Of someone else's game
Too late for second-guessing
Too late to go back to sleep
It's time to trust my instincts
Close my eyes: and leap!

It's time to try
Defying gravity
I think I'll try
Defying gravity
Kiss me goodbye
I am defying gravity
And you wont bring me down!

I'm through accepting limits
''cause someone says they're so
Some things I cannot change
But till I try, I'll never know!
Too long I've been afraid of
Losing love I guess I've lost

Well, if that's love
It comes at much too high a cost!

great!

So what is suppose to distract me now? I just finished the two seasons of Drop Dead Diva and new episodes don't come out until next summer. I am very particular about the shows I watch right now it can't be too HAHA funny nor it cant be too BLAHBLAH serious. Of course, Law and Order SVU, Big Bang Theory and Glee are exceptions. Although Law and Order SVU might be making it off the list ..*gasps* did I just say that? I TAKE THAT BACK!
Tv shows are the best form of escape..it's a coping mechanism desigend to avoid the reality of life. Of course pending on your life the effect of the tv show will vary on every individual. For me it's uhmm 30% effective.
On a seperate note I wish I had three super powers right now: read peoples mind, Invisibility and teleopathy...I AM NOT A CREEP!
I appreciate my mom though she has the need to check up on me..every so often. Lol she'll come in, smile at me sheepishly and give me a hug. Tehehe ..DONT JUDGE ME!
Well I should go get ready for the doctors to get my results for my skin TB test and then Im off to work to serve free sample to people who will argue with me because it's just not good enough for them. ITS A FREE FUCKIN SAMPLE! GO AWAY I DONT LIKE YOU! Yeah that's what Im usually thinking when they piss me off.

...

"The only thing more unthinkable than leaving was staying; the only thing more impossible than staying was leaving."- Elizabeth Gilbert (Eat, Pray, Love)