what a day

Today was a day of stress and anxiety. I'm glad this week is over and I can just start all over again.

Negative:

• I had the online test today at school which was 15% of my mark. I got 50% on it. Oh believe me I wasn't happy with my mark nor was I surprised. Not studiyng was my fault. Yes, I've got a shit load to do from taking care of the family to clinicals( 40 hrs a week, sometimes even more.) Nevertheless, it's not an excuse to leave it to the last minute or forget. It's about time I pull my shit together and write down important dates on my calendar instead of just my agenda.
• While brushing my teeth I remembered my application for my licensing exam that is due on the 31st. It's the 28th. Forgetting about it and leaving it to the last minute was my fault. The payment for the exams was approximately $300.
• I got a reply back from him that he can't make it on sunday and that "we will meet up some other time." Followed by sexual remarks that I guess were uncalled for?
  

Positive:

• The day consisted of constant solace and comfort from the best friend. jeeze louise, I'm grateful for her existence in my life.
• I broke down on my mom and told her exactly how it is; that I work 40 hrs a week and have to manage studies on top of that. I told her I don't really have anyone to run to about personal issues and have this obligation/responsbility to take care of her and my grandparents. I spoke to my brother the other day and he asked if the arrangements have been made for my mom's surgery. Like I have to arrange everything?! *sigh* If it wasn't for me yelling at my grandfather, he wouldn't have went to the doctor and got his hearing aid stuff done. If it wasn't for me filling out forms and contacting the YRP, my grandfather wouldn't have gotten his alzheimer stuff finished. It's exasperating. I get that my dad is working two jobs. I feel almost like a spoiled brat for crying out and complaining about all of this, like that I should do it with grace and silence. Anyways, it's out in the open and my mom knows how I feel.
• I managed to drive downtown to hand in the application form (thank god). While there I ran into a few classmates who are also doing pre-grad, I asked them how they did today. One of them got a 45% while the other got a 57%. It also turns out they haven't done their presentation yet for this huge project we need to give in at the end of this. So I'm not alone.
• As for him, I called him. No answer. Sent him a message saying to call me back, which I don't know if he will. This is what I think of him and the situation. He wanted to fool around, I didn't put out. He asked once again to meet up in a secluded area and this time drink. I said no to the drinking so he doesn't want to come through, because well he's not going to get any pleasure out of it.Am I wrong for assuming the worst in him? No. If a guy really wanted to hang out with me, he wouldn't suggest some random park, at night and to drink on top of that. I've finally got the sense of self-entitlement; in the sense that if a guy really likes me he would prusue me for something. And he's not. I am aware of hard I work and the respect I deserve now, and well this guy isn't giving it because truth be told he isn't interested in me that way or just isn't looking for someone like me at the moment. And well, his loss.
  
• After everything that happened today, I realized I've let the stress consume me. I let clinicals be an excuse not to do anything. Yes, I am being hard on myself because talking to my peers, they are in the same boat as me. We complained about the shifting circadian rhyhtm in our sleep cycle. With clinicals hours and I only gave into things I wanted to do such as clubbing and working out. However, I need to begin to prioritize my work and get my stuff together. Today, a day filled with driving in a rush to the CNO head office to give in my form to getting that awful mark to getting the text he can't make/realizing he's just after ass, was a reality check.
• Tonight I'm going out. I really don't know how it's going to be, since it's me and a friend. She's pretty so most guys are going to be hitting on her(it's happened before), while I stand around awkwardly. But I'm going to make the most of it by trying to have a good time and de-stress. haha. Wish me luck because it's going to be hella awkward when my friends making out with a hott white guy and I really don't have anyone else there.
  
• Mantra of the day: This too shall pass.