You can never escape your mind, but it would be really nice just for an escape. It's not just the sense of escape but the experience and it would be an accomplishment.
I've been praying and praying and I've been putting in a shit load of effort so I REALLY hope I can get this. But there's alot of competition. *sigh* c'est la vie.
I feel a sense of entitlment that since I've gone through shit and worked my ass off that I deserve this. If this was me two years ago I would have let the wrath of this break up take the best of me. Instead, I stayed on top of my game. Yes I am being pompous and possibly cocky but I'm proud that I've managed coming this far. Looking back I see that okay if I can get through this than I can go on. I am aware that I can't have these expectations and sometimes things are just not meant to be a certain way. If I can attain this goal, I'd be nothing but grateful and estatic. This last few weeks of school is the WORST because I honestly cannot find the strength to go on any further(drama queen?). I'm literally burnt out and just want it over with. But then I look at my grades and how I want to maintain what I've worked hard for and that motivates me. Nevertheless, I feel like that IS NOT good enough.
Another thing I got to learn, to stop thinking so negatively. If there is something bugging me, get clarification instead of dwelling on it. Holding things back, that ain't me. Issues need to be dealt, first hand because a situation is not what you always think it is. I need to accept these changes in my life and get on because I've made progress so far why go backwards?
Yesterday I I told my friend I've accepted the possiblity that I may get an arrange marriage.OBVIOUSLY NOT NOW. We went on to joke that maybe we should get some kind of two in one deal for the both of us (she's single as well and does not see prospects when it comes to relationships). Despite my ideas of in vitro fertilization(using sperm donations) or adoption as a single parent...my parents will literally have my ass on a platter marinated in tandoori sauce. I do know how much their culture and their reputation means to them. And I know the won't be satisfied with an unwed daughter (I am the only daugther they have) or an unwed daughter with a child. And I get it why the fuck is she thinking about marraige? It's just answers to satisfy my questions about the future. Things like.. Now that he's gone, what's next? Focus on nursing, I reply to myself. Okay so what about after nursing? ughh yeah..arrange marriage I guess? My best friend instilled some hope saying that maybe you'll meet a surgeon or doctor like Turk and Carla on Scrubs. Bahahah God knows. I am aware that right now nursing is my focus and I know to make myself stand out I've got to make my experience on my resume unique so I stand out. Hence my dire need to be able to get this thing.
I've done my part now it's in fates hand.
C'est la vie.
I've been praying and praying and I've been putting in a shit load of effort so I REALLY hope I can get this. But there's alot of competition. *sigh* c'est la vie.
I feel a sense of entitlment that since I've gone through shit and worked my ass off that I deserve this. If this was me two years ago I would have let the wrath of this break up take the best of me. Instead, I stayed on top of my game. Yes I am being pompous and possibly cocky but I'm proud that I've managed coming this far. Looking back I see that okay if I can get through this than I can go on. I am aware that I can't have these expectations and sometimes things are just not meant to be a certain way. If I can attain this goal, I'd be nothing but grateful and estatic. This last few weeks of school is the WORST because I honestly cannot find the strength to go on any further(drama queen?). I'm literally burnt out and just want it over with. But then I look at my grades and how I want to maintain what I've worked hard for and that motivates me. Nevertheless, I feel like that IS NOT good enough.
Another thing I got to learn, to stop thinking so negatively. If there is something bugging me, get clarification instead of dwelling on it. Holding things back, that ain't me. Issues need to be dealt, first hand because a situation is not what you always think it is. I need to accept these changes in my life and get on because I've made progress so far why go backwards?
Yesterday I I told my friend I've accepted the possiblity that I may get an arrange marriage.OBVIOUSLY NOT NOW. We went on to joke that maybe we should get some kind of two in one deal for the both of us (she's single as well and does not see prospects when it comes to relationships). Despite my ideas of in vitro fertilization(using sperm donations) or adoption as a single parent...my parents will literally have my ass on a platter marinated in tandoori sauce. I do know how much their culture and their reputation means to them. And I know the won't be satisfied with an unwed daughter (I am the only daugther they have) or an unwed daughter with a child. And I get it why the fuck is she thinking about marraige? It's just answers to satisfy my questions about the future. Things like.. Now that he's gone, what's next? Focus on nursing, I reply to myself. Okay so what about after nursing? ughh yeah..arrange marriage I guess? My best friend instilled some hope saying that maybe you'll meet a surgeon or doctor like Turk and Carla on Scrubs. Bahahah God knows. I am aware that right now nursing is my focus and I know to make myself stand out I've got to make my experience on my resume unique so I stand out. Hence my dire need to be able to get this thing.
I've done my part now it's in fates hand.
C'est la vie.
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