therapist

I went to temple yesterday. I saw this couple who were young and it reminded me of the times him and I used to go to the temple together. I drifted off into my own world remincising about the past and I caught myself doing something. I was rubbing my left ring finger!(the wedding ring finger). Rubbing (like in a massaging way) in the sense of it being between my right thumb and index finger. Nothing sexual behind it, it's just a nervous habit I have. Usually I clench to three of my fingers(ring, middle and pointinf finger) when I'm nervous but clearly there was some unconscious thinking behind what I was doing. :| lol I caught myself doing that and gasped. The couple turned around and I just looked away. Oh my GOSH I'm going to turn into the crazy cat lady.
Oh yes and I woke up this morning from another dream. I woke up from this dream with an empty, gut wrneching feeling. At this point I was frustrated and could not take the fact this was going on and on. It's really annoying have to wake up from dreams of him for one week consecutively. I've had dreams of him before but they weren't one after the other. *sigh* So I googled it. Here was a good response it incoporated my spiritual beliefs too:

"This is normal because the subconscious keeps energies which are released from the conscious mind. Thus even if the conscious mind decides to give up something or to remove it from the mind, the subconscious will, more than likely, keep that as a memory which will trigger dreams and related considerations in the future. Sometimes after days, weeks or years, such a memory comes up or a dream that is related is experienced.
There is another way to look at this, and that is that your psyche has stockpiles of unfinished relationships which it would like to complete. Thus it will take an opportunity to fulfill these either in the physical world or in the dream (astral) world.
This is not restricted to just what happens in one life time. In fact sometimes one meets a person in a dream whom one had a relationship in a previous life and in that dream experience one is drawn into an agreeable or disagreeable relationship in the dream based on the previous relationship.
Two persons who have a karmic bond or a subconscious need to be together for one reason or the other, based on this or that attraction, are likely to meet repeatedly in dreams in an effort to sort out the relationship.
This may be done by the subconscious mind even if the conscious mind has renounced or forgotten about the relationship. Both persons have subconscious minds which might be communicating even if there is no attempt to do so consciously.
Stately frankly, this means that a part of your psyche might transcend your detachment and that part will meet with the other person who also has such a subconscious need. This is easy to manifest in the realm of dreams, the realm of astral existence.
This devastation or emotional trauma and the resulting mourning, would have reinforced the subconscious impression and thus this itself is the big part of the present dream experience. Such situations lead on until one takes another body and can meet that person and be again in the same type of relationship as before, just as if you were reading an interesting book, stopped on page 98 and then continued from page 99 at the next session for reading.
More than likely, providence will be sure to put you and the said person together again in a future life. Whatever tension was there at the time of parting, must still exists as a psychic energy in the universe and so providence will act to relieve it by putting you together again, but the present dreams are the initial effort of that providence.
You could take those opportunities to settle out this relationship and to heal the damaged part of your psyche which was traumatized when you separated."
http://www.stevepavlina.com/forums/psychic-paranormal/29998-keep-dreaming-about-ex-boyfriend-years-ago.html

The above posting was a response to a women having dreams about someone she was in a relationship that ended a very long time ago. I read on to other posts to find out it's normal. Other posts said that I need to clarify with myself on whether this you have feelings for him or not. Of course I still have feelings for him but that doesn't mean I want to be with him. Maybe I kind of do? :S But see the thought of him and I getting abck to gether gives me that repulse feelings. I don't want to be with him or anyoen for hte matter. Yes I get lonely and it can be tought getting used to this but I'm good in the hood :) If that makes any sense. Maybe it's a combination of both missing being in a relationship and the feelings I still have for him. I'm tired of these damns crash & blows. At moments I'd feel like I'm doing so great for myself and then something gets in my way. Once him and I broke up, for weeks I could not sleep until 4 am. Afterwards I began sleeping on time. BUT eventually HE started coming up in my dreams. :S I told my friend and she said you probably have some unresolved issues to take care of. I told her what unresolved issues are there to take care of? He treated me like crap, I couldn't take it any more and the end? There's nothing to discuss with him. I have nothing to apologize for. The only thing is, is probably when I bitched at him...but even then what he did to me 10 times as worse compared to my moody bitching. ho hum. Maybe these dreams will pass once school starts and I have other distractions?

Well besides my emotions flying over the place. AHH HA! Maybe meditating before bed will help clear my mind?! I should try that. Yeah that idea just came in my head as I was typing. Anyways besides all my emotions. I'm actually excited to get back to school. Yes I'm a little nervous but I'm looking forward to it =) I've got alot of work but I got keep myself caught up and not let myself fall behind! The key to surviving this semester is keeping up to date with your paperwork. We have alot of care plans, feed back log sheets, drug cards, assignments (not like essays) and of course my favourite (note: sarcasm) lab tests. UGH! The second week of school we already have a returned demo (lab test) on vital signs. Thankfully I've practiced my bp over time but I should do it some more.

I hear from the interviewers regarding the Domincan Republic Expedition by the 14th. Oh Gosh I hope I get it. :) It would be amazing to have such an experience and help out. But hmm we'll see how that goes.