Saturday, June 5, 2010

Breakdown

So the past week or so consisted of me of many frustrations and two emotional breakdowns. I guess I might come off as dramatic to some but my feelings are genuine. The first semester was just an introduction to Nursing, but NOW...Now is when I realize holy shit I'm a nursing student.
How am I going to change the sheets when a stroke patient is occupying the bed?
What if I don't get the proper vital signs?
How the hell am I going to remember all these frikken "normal doses"?
What if I give the wrong dosage?
WHAT IF SOMEONE DIES BECAUSE OF ME?
I guess some of these questions will always be in my head.
Right now I've come to the point grab the bull by its horn and knee it in it's testes.. no I literally don't mean that (no cruelty to animal intended). But yeah from 7- 2 am I worked than today from 11 to around 2 I worked. I stopped to eat, then I came upstairs cut up the bristol board pieces I needed. I was a little sleepy so I decided to catch a nap. I was listening to my ipod when I came across this song:
One Step At A Time by Jordin Sparks
I have two "life" songs one is Right Here Right Now by Fatboy Slim that's my motivational song. And I guess I fail to recognize and remember One Step at a Time but the song is moving.and just encourages me. Besides, Jordin Sparks is a talent unappreciated singer who needs recognition for her beautiful voice.
I distinctively remeber this was the first summer I got my placement at Sick Kids Hospital as a Volunteer and I was listening to this song on my MP3 as I walked to the subway and I just felt so good and fulfilled. I knew where I was suppose to be and what I wanted to do. No more confusion! I just had to get there! Listening to that song as I laid in my bed realized I need to take things once step at a time and not expect to be a fully equipped and experience nurse.

This is basically how I feel:

You wanna show the world, but no one knows your name yet
Wonder when and where and how you're gonna make it
You know you can if you get the chance
In your face as the door keeps slamming
Now you're feeling more and more frustrated
And you're getting all kind of impatient waiting
We live and we learn to take
One step at a time
There's no need to rush
It's like learning to fly
Or falling in love
It's gonna happen when it's
Supposed to happen and we
Find the reasons why
One step at a time

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