Thursday, August 18, 2011
celebrate
Went out with the school friends last night. Sitting her on my bed with my head and body drained of energy. Maybe I should eat? I feel naseous. I can't even recall the last time feeling nausea as a symptom of hangover? Maybe first or second year. Usually I just get body fatigue and to the most a headache. It was a really fun night though! Lol we got into some weird conversations. One I specifically remember is about having female and male friends. I was saying that, yes you should have friends of both genders. I feel that with girls you have this sense of connectedness almost like a sisterhood. Of course this depends on your "friends" too, if the person has negative attributes to the friendship, then that emotional support from a female friend is not established. With male friends its more about letting go. As females we worry too much about what others think. With the guys, your just one of the guys. You can say and do whatever you want. There is no hidden grudges and secrets. (Or atleast with the guys I've interacted.) It's more about cracking jokes and having a good time.
I had to go with my brother shopping because he needed to get some clothes before going of to university. I ended up buying underwear from Aerie. Mind you these were some hard core girly panties; Floral, cute polka dots, pastels, and even lace on two of them! I don't know what possessed me but they were just so pretty. Today I'm going to do some last minute shopping for camping and I'm going grab some bras. As I scavenged through the neatly arranged piles of under garments in the store I was having some sort of power struggle. Why am I getting this? Why do I need these pretty underwear? No one is going to see them but myself, so what is the point? But I guess I just wanted to treat myself and just be out of the ordinary. Now I know it's weird that I'm even blogging about this but I think the main point is why should I even think like that? Does one have to be sexually active to own pretty under garments? No of course not, anyone is entitled to just feel good inside and out. After shopping I intend onf coming home cleaning up my room and start packing. *sigh* It's going to be crazy, nevertheless the weekend will be fun, I need to get out of this place for a bit.
Well, I guess this will be the first time I'm blogging about this and it's so weird. Him and I have been texting back and forth. It hasn't really progressed to "actual" conversations but more like getting to know each other on a friend level and cracking jokes. I like it and I think I'm interested but we'll see. I'm in no rush for anything. Nevertheless, I'd like to get to know him better. Wow it feels so weird typing this out. I think I'm so cautious that I have these weird power struggles. I keep telling myself and those close to me all these possibly negative things about him.(which aren't true but just my assumptions). It's my defense mechanism to never let my guards down. I'm scared I will let them down, in fact I'm scared they are going down. I don't want to get hurt, disappointed or humiliated for the matter. I know we should all go with the flow and enjoy life experiences, but I've been through some serious crap. I've struggled with getting over the break up and getting myself together that I don't want to be back and feel that pain and despair ever again. I know pain is inenvitable and we need to just let go and try. But that's all crap that I keep saying to myself. Right now I can just be spazzing out because like I said, it's just texting. Maybe I am infatuated? Maybe that's it. Like I was saying, I've gotten much progress and felt a sense of growth within myself. I finally feel good about me, both inside and out. What if getting involved with someone I lose myself yet again? I definately know better this time around but I don't want to be dependent and attached. I think I have a tendency of being like that so I'm not ready. I guess I can just take it one step at a time and make time for myself and not let him or others be the centre of my life. It's about prioritzing yourself and others. How it works was after the break up you learn to put your life back together and then you learn how to put yourself back together. After that, I think it's more like fine-tuning your other relationships and important aspects in life. Then it's a matter of learning to be on your own and regaining that confidence and self-esteem. After that it's learning how to keep yourself true while maintaing other relationships (family, friends, dating etc.).
I had to go with my brother shopping because he needed to get some clothes before going of to university. I ended up buying underwear from Aerie. Mind you these were some hard core girly panties; Floral, cute polka dots, pastels, and even lace on two of them! I don't know what possessed me but they were just so pretty. Today I'm going to do some last minute shopping for camping and I'm going grab some bras. As I scavenged through the neatly arranged piles of under garments in the store I was having some sort of power struggle. Why am I getting this? Why do I need these pretty underwear? No one is going to see them but myself, so what is the point? But I guess I just wanted to treat myself and just be out of the ordinary. Now I know it's weird that I'm even blogging about this but I think the main point is why should I even think like that? Does one have to be sexually active to own pretty under garments? No of course not, anyone is entitled to just feel good inside and out. After shopping I intend onf coming home cleaning up my room and start packing. *sigh* It's going to be crazy, nevertheless the weekend will be fun, I need to get out of this place for a bit.
Well, I guess this will be the first time I'm blogging about this and it's so weird. Him and I have been texting back and forth. It hasn't really progressed to "actual" conversations but more like getting to know each other on a friend level and cracking jokes. I like it and I think I'm interested but we'll see. I'm in no rush for anything. Nevertheless, I'd like to get to know him better. Wow it feels so weird typing this out. I think I'm so cautious that I have these weird power struggles. I keep telling myself and those close to me all these possibly negative things about him.(which aren't true but just my assumptions). It's my defense mechanism to never let my guards down. I'm scared I will let them down, in fact I'm scared they are going down. I don't want to get hurt, disappointed or humiliated for the matter. I know we should all go with the flow and enjoy life experiences, but I've been through some serious crap. I've struggled with getting over the break up and getting myself together that I don't want to be back and feel that pain and despair ever again. I know pain is inenvitable and we need to just let go and try. But that's all crap that I keep saying to myself. Right now I can just be spazzing out because like I said, it's just texting. Maybe I am infatuated? Maybe that's it. Like I was saying, I've gotten much progress and felt a sense of growth within myself. I finally feel good about me, both inside and out. What if getting involved with someone I lose myself yet again? I definately know better this time around but I don't want to be dependent and attached. I think I have a tendency of being like that so I'm not ready. I guess I can just take it one step at a time and make time for myself and not let him or others be the centre of my life. It's about prioritzing yourself and others. How it works was after the break up you learn to put your life back together and then you learn how to put yourself back together. After that, I think it's more like fine-tuning your other relationships and important aspects in life. Then it's a matter of learning to be on your own and regaining that confidence and self-esteem. After that it's learning how to keep yourself true while maintaing other relationships (family, friends, dating etc.).
Monday, August 15, 2011
Sunday, August 14, 2011
wise words
Was confiding with my cousin about some personal stuff. After a long time we are slowly beginning to get close again. I guess it's a matter of getting past the past.
"Be who you are, do what you like. And you'd be surprised how quickly you'll end up surrounding yourself with people that like you."
"Be who you are, do what you like. And you'd be surprised how quickly you'll end up surrounding yourself with people that like you."
letter to my loved one
Dear Liver,
I'd like to thank you in advance for putting up with the excessive consumption of booze, Advil and caffeine that you will have to process the next week or so due to cramming sessions and hangovers. Your support will not go disregarded I will try my best to consume as much broccoli and water to make up for it all.
P.S love you like a love song baby.
Sincerely,
Me
Readers:
Don't judge me, it's been a bitch of a semester. I'm entitled to indulge in alcoholic tendencies and cramming at the last minute for exams. Oh man...
I'd like to thank you in advance for putting up with the excessive consumption of booze, Advil and caffeine that you will have to process the next week or so due to cramming sessions and hangovers. Your support will not go disregarded I will try my best to consume as much broccoli and water to make up for it all.
P.S love you like a love song baby.
Sincerely,
Me
Readers:
Don't judge me, it's been a bitch of a semester. I'm entitled to indulge in alcoholic tendencies and cramming at the last minute for exams. Oh man...
Saturday, August 13, 2011
My First OR Experience
The experience is literally engraved in my head and it was unforgettable. I walked into the unit with my scrubs on, told me to change into the OR scrubs. They were SOOOO soft! I put on the booties for my shoes, the cap, my face mask and washed my hands. The OR is almost an oxymoron. There was this peace and tranquility and yet you can see a hurried tension to prepare the OR and get everything accurate. It was amazing. It was as if the thrill of the OR was calmed down by the focus needed to do the procedure. I stare at the surgeons wide-eyed as if they were rock stars as they did the procedure. They did two incisions and began inserting the port and camera to begin the procedure. There was a big screen TV displaying the inside of the patient. The scrub nurse was kick-ass. She had every piece of equipment ready before the surgeon asked for it. I loved every bit of it! The nurse who walked me through it was a nurse in the OR at Sick Kids. Yeah, I literally praised her as if she was my idol. I'm honestly considering OR nursing now. I know I know I'm switching my mind so much options but I wouldn't mind going to pediatric surgery but of course that's after a few years of experience.
So the surgery went quite well. It was great that I read up on the surgery prior to going in. I was in the recovery room with my patient observing what the nurses do. My patient looks at me and goes Did you do the surgery? I said No, I'm a nursing student and I watched the procedure. He then asked me how it went. The patient beside us was Tamil. He began talking to me to me in our language. Asking me questions like: What area I'm from in Sri Lanka, what school I go to, Where do I live now, Do I live with my parents, If I was married, How long does he have to stay in the recovery room, when he will start feeling the pain again etc etc. Obviously I never asked him them the same personal questions he asked me. Mind you he was 33 years old(I'm 22)! Then lastly he says to me in Tamil "Do you have a phone?" Yeah I replied confused. "why don't you give me your number?" And that, ladies and gentlemen when it hit me that this innocent conversation had different intentions. I was stunned and I politely said "No I can't give out to number to patients it's against my policy" Yes I could have said I wasn't interested because I wasn't. But LOL for some reason the first thing that popped to my head was rules and regulations. He then goes "I really liked talking to you, just say your number and I'll remember it" I said no I can't and turned back to talking to my patient. I tell my grandma this and she goes "you should have just lied and said 'sorry I have a boyfriend' (yup imagine an old lady with a thick Tamil accent saying that)" Then she proceeded on to advising me "You know, if a guy does approach you and you like him, then pursue it don't let him get away." I'm sitting there going what is going on in this world today?!?!
So the surgery went quite well. It was great that I read up on the surgery prior to going in. I was in the recovery room with my patient observing what the nurses do. My patient looks at me and goes Did you do the surgery? I said No, I'm a nursing student and I watched the procedure. He then asked me how it went. The patient beside us was Tamil. He began talking to me to me in our language. Asking me questions like: What area I'm from in Sri Lanka, what school I go to, Where do I live now, Do I live with my parents, If I was married, How long does he have to stay in the recovery room, when he will start feeling the pain again etc etc. Obviously I never asked him them the same personal questions he asked me. Mind you he was 33 years old(I'm 22)! Then lastly he says to me in Tamil "Do you have a phone?" Yeah I replied confused. "why don't you give me your number?" And that, ladies and gentlemen when it hit me that this innocent conversation had different intentions. I was stunned and I politely said "No I can't give out to number to patients it's against my policy" Yes I could have said I wasn't interested because I wasn't. But LOL for some reason the first thing that popped to my head was rules and regulations. He then goes "I really liked talking to you, just say your number and I'll remember it" I said no I can't and turned back to talking to my patient. I tell my grandma this and she goes "you should have just lied and said 'sorry I have a boyfriend' (yup imagine an old lady with a thick Tamil accent saying that)" Then she proceeded on to advising me "You know, if a guy does approach you and you like him, then pursue it don't let him get away." I'm sitting there going what is going on in this world today?!?!
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