it's been a while

this blog once used to be my salvage and escape. I've shifted over to tumblr but it's not like I express much there as I used to here. Any hardships and frustrations are expressed in a tumblr blog that requires a password that no one else knows. For the past few months I was so frustrated, frantically trying to grasp control of my life. But low and behold, one cannot do that; certain things we don't have control over and that's a sad reality I know but fail to accept.
The guy I wrote about was someone significant from my past, which is why I trusted him. However, he had ended things saying he was confused and needed to make amends with his ex (and I quote in a non romantic manner) so he can move forward in his life. But of course, a month or two after his facebook status changed to In a Relationship with a surplus of photos of them two cuddling. Yeah, he's a fucking asshole. But  I look now and say good riddance. I'm happy with the way things worked out but am bitter about the betrayal because I trusted him.
Anyway, life goes on. After that I tried to grasp at the fact that I was not able to get into a university to finish off my nursing education. I felt so stupid. Also, the fact that at work three new grad's (including myself) started a position at the hospital. The other two got permanent positions. Whereas, I was still reqiured to continue on the contract. What upset me was I did my 3 month semester which was basically pre-grad/ consolidation. So my manager knows me, I've been here longer than the other two. So why is it that they got the position and I didn't? Was it a reflection of my performance? I asked my manager that and she said no. I just couldn't help but feel inadequate.
But then came a breaking point where I was like fuck it, fuck everyone and fuck everything. I just stopped giving a shit. Oh I'm not going to get into uni? okay fine. Oh, you still don't want to give me a permanent part time postion? Fine I'll continue to fucking work full time hours and save up. My manager said I'd eventually start part time.
As far as boys and relationships go, it has finally gotten to that point they don't phase me. I just don't bother.  I'm happy on my own. I don't want a relationship and I'm content with focusing on my career and furthering my knowledge for it Things are good the way they are, why stir the pot?