oh hot damn

Whoa. The blogger setup has changed.

Anyway, I'm trying to grasp things, think things through, weigh out my options and cover every bit of ground. Which altogether is a REALLY slow process in terms of figuring out what to do and where to go. So hopefully by the end of the week I have somewhat of an idea. Right now the goal is to get the resume done, apply for jobs and study for my licensing exams.

Few things I've learned in the past few days which many would find valuable and reasonable:

You don't know the value of something or someone unless it/them are threatened to be stripped from you or is actually gone. We really don't! But the passion and angst expressed in such a threat shows how much it means to you and how much you value it. How much you are not ready to give up without a fight and ready to do whatever it takes. See that's the thing, doing whatever it takes sometimes may involve not following expected social norms.But fuck it. 

Secondly, we take those who we REALLY care about for granted. Many people bend over backwards to ensure you are smiling. Whether it be our mother, best friend or significant other. But never do we actually appreciate how much they do for us. Those people I think are a repayment from God of the good karmic actions. 

I had a sleep over last night. I think at one point the discussion of weddings and babies came up. I was distracting myself by looking at an Aladdin book with one of the kids. How can I even think about  babies and marriage when I am no where on that boat? If I was on a boat, my boat would be no where near that boat! Of course they are at different levels and would never hold that against them. They were talking about things because they have gotten to that stage. But of course I was trying not to have an anxiety attack about it, about everything. My main focus is my career at the moment, and that's how it should be for me. Anything in relation to a guy is just a mere incidence of flirting and I am happy with that interaction, if any. For some reason I found it hard talking about just incidences(to flirting with a guy) of such to my friends at the sleep over. Like it wouldn't be taken seriously or maybe I just felt a slight sense disconnect from the group.  I guess because no one really asks, and I'm not going to sit there and talk about myself if I'm going to be cut off or not listened to. So I don't mind listening to the giggles and excitement as they speak about their plans, life, marriage and children,  if they ask me, I will speak. I think at one point this week I was so stressed: I was like fuck it. I just want to finish off what I'm at and just have children(no that's not going to happen LOL). Speaking of which, the doctor called me for results from an ultrasound I did a few weeks back. Bah. Another to do on that list. I think it's more the anxiety of wondering what the hell is wrong with you. Damn ovaries and possibly pituitary gland. Why can't you guys just coordinate and work properly? Maybe I should freeze my eggs, just in case. LOL seriously.