So tonight was when my will power disappeared. I came home from my friend's party.. prior to arriving I spoke to my friend she gave me an update on him, told me how seems to be doing better(that's good). I broke down and cried. Yesterday I went to the temple Im just standing there praying..messed up part is i was tearing up and my eyes were closed. I look up and there's this guy looking at me. Im just like UGHHUGFHGUSDHSJDHS...WHAT?! The last few days have just not been easy for me. The whole night I tried my best to smile, keep a positive perspective and not be a downer. I came home...and took the pills. So I feel a bit better...I guess I feel numb with a slight high . Seeing that I'm not bawling as I type this out and imagine him at a club dancin with another chick (no no he didn't but come one any ex will wonder that). =\ Im telling you I have my ups and downs. This is just my down.
Am I getting into a bad habit? maybe but i don't give a fuck. No one can sit there and say shit to me "oh don't do that your gonna be dependent" fuck that shit.. I know I'm going to be arright and Im doing arright. I'm still focused on school, it's like my child so I'm putting my all into it. And I get it, you have to learn to cope with this shit "naturally" to fully heal. You shouldn't resort to drugs, alcohol, meaningless sex and sugary foods. I for one believe I've been one strong-headed bitch when dealing with this crap. yes I cry and yes I'll be down BUT I feel that it's justifiable to let myself have a treat and just go numb. I am the "captain" for my group who seems to be doing well with our overall research project, health assessment is tough but its working, personality and growth going good and PPG3.. damn that ethics paper is going in my nursing portfolio. No I'm not cocky.. it's my justification. Therefore, if I can manage that crap with school and the drama with having to let go off someone that was your #1 guy, then I AM ENTITLED TO LET LOOSE SOMETIMES! =)
I want a pitcher not a belly itcher.
Am I getting into a bad habit? maybe but i don't give a fuck. No one can sit there and say shit to me "oh don't do that your gonna be dependent" fuck that shit.. I know I'm going to be arright and Im doing arright. I'm still focused on school, it's like my child so I'm putting my all into it. And I get it, you have to learn to cope with this shit "naturally" to fully heal. You shouldn't resort to drugs, alcohol, meaningless sex and sugary foods. I for one believe I've been one strong-headed bitch when dealing with this crap. yes I cry and yes I'll be down BUT I feel that it's justifiable to let myself have a treat and just go numb. I am the "captain" for my group who seems to be doing well with our overall research project, health assessment is tough but its working, personality and growth going good and PPG3.. damn that ethics paper is going in my nursing portfolio. No I'm not cocky.. it's my justification. Therefore, if I can manage that crap with school and the drama with having to let go off someone that was your #1 guy, then I AM ENTITLED TO LET LOOSE SOMETIMES! =)
I want a pitcher not a belly itcher.
I don't want to sit here and tell you that taking the pills is bad and you should stop...like you said you should be able to do what you want to...that you think best fits you...i ain't going to say taking the pills is a smart idea...but at the end its your choice...when i was cutting..the number one thing i hated was when ppl were telling me to stop...that i need to seek help or that they will tell my parents...that alone wanted me to do it more...to piss them off...i knew what i was doing and i knew that i would be able to stop when i decide to...and just like that i did...with no one's pressure...so if you know what your doing and if you know you have everything under control then...you stop completely this dependent on this pill when your ready...but through out it all if you EVER just slip to the wrong side i'm here to give you a shoulder and be with you throughout it all...so keep that in mind...LOVE YOU ALWAYS...and you'll always be at my SUGAR BOWL! =)
ReplyDeleteLOL love u2 hun..uhmm u REALLY need to open that sugar bowl up >=| everytime i have some sort of communication with u it is broughten up.
ReplyDeletebahh :( my feelings are so mixed.
what do you mean by "everytime i have some sort of communication with u it is broughten up"...
ReplyDelete**thinking face**
SUGAR BOWL!!! UR ALWAYS TALKIN ABOUT SUGAR BOWL SO GET UR ASS OUT THERE AND OPEN IT UP SO MY ADOPTED CHILD CAN GET HIS ASS FAT THERE. BAHAHAHAHAHAH honestly though think about it a start of small, wifi, good size of tables, maybe two booths for ppl going on dates, caffeine, sweets and small sandwhiches and shazaammm!
ReplyDeleteI remeber once at york there was like a bug our something on the muffin at Second cup..I pointed it out to the guy working there and I got my coffee for free. bahahah I should have pretened to be those health offiials and taken out a clipboard.
oh and have nice clean washrooms :) see ur business plan has started here.. on a commment box on my blog!! wooot woot history in the making!