I fail to remember that when the shit hit the fan... you didn't pick up a mop to help clean up.
You were once the guy who sat by me in the emergency as I passed blood clots through my urethra, you were once the guy I cried on when I felt like my whole world was collapsing because I did not get into nursing, You were once the guy who came with me to colleges to get into a school on such a short notice, you were the first person to give me the news I got accepted in nursing at Seneca when I was walking to the subway after SickKids, You were the first person to tell my mom I got into nursing at Seneca and restored some hope in her, You were the one who helped decided on where I should go, You were the one who gave me the neck massages when we studied at utsc and I was stressing for anatomy, you were one who tested me on anatomy and phys. asking me questions as if I was on a game show, you were once the guy who I sat on the phone while on the toilet, you were once the guy who I confided in all my secrets with, you were once the guy who knew all my insecurities, you were once the guy who spoiled me with gifts even though I RARELY asked and objected to the idea...
but you were also the guy...
who used my past against me even though I was honest with you, who used my secrets against me even though I was open and trusting, who would get drunk and start petty arguments with me, who would get jealous for the smallest things when you know the end of the day we go to bed talking to each other, who compared me to another girl because maybe I just wasn't fuckin' good enough, who accused me of cheating when I was nothing but honest, who demanded me to get rid of all his stuff because you didn't want me having it, who decided it was okay to do things that went against my trust,
You are the guy who assured that I will never trust another person again with my secrets. You are the guy that made me second guess on what I share with someone. You are the guy that made me keep up a defense to protect my bruised ego and self-esteem. You are the reason I devote most of my time studying and watching tv because I then have a reason to be alone and not talk to anyone. You are the reason I hate being alone but want to be anyways.
You think you're pain? It goes both way which is why...
I fail to remember
that when the shit hit the fan
you didn't pick up the mop to help clean up.
You smeared the mess all over
because for once I stopped giving you everything I could.
You were once the guy who sat by me in the emergency as I passed blood clots through my urethra, you were once the guy I cried on when I felt like my whole world was collapsing because I did not get into nursing, You were once the guy who came with me to colleges to get into a school on such a short notice, you were the first person to give me the news I got accepted in nursing at Seneca when I was walking to the subway after SickKids, You were the first person to tell my mom I got into nursing at Seneca and restored some hope in her, You were the one who helped decided on where I should go, You were the one who gave me the neck massages when we studied at utsc and I was stressing for anatomy, you were one who tested me on anatomy and phys. asking me questions as if I was on a game show, you were once the guy who I sat on the phone while on the toilet, you were once the guy who I confided in all my secrets with, you were once the guy who knew all my insecurities, you were once the guy who spoiled me with gifts even though I RARELY asked and objected to the idea...
but you were also the guy...
who used my past against me even though I was honest with you, who used my secrets against me even though I was open and trusting, who would get drunk and start petty arguments with me, who would get jealous for the smallest things when you know the end of the day we go to bed talking to each other, who compared me to another girl because maybe I just wasn't fuckin' good enough, who accused me of cheating when I was nothing but honest, who demanded me to get rid of all his stuff because you didn't want me having it, who decided it was okay to do things that went against my trust,
You are the guy who assured that I will never trust another person again with my secrets. You are the guy that made me second guess on what I share with someone. You are the guy that made me keep up a defense to protect my bruised ego and self-esteem. You are the reason I devote most of my time studying and watching tv because I then have a reason to be alone and not talk to anyone. You are the reason I hate being alone but want to be anyways.
You think you're pain? It goes both way which is why...
I fail to remember
that when the shit hit the fan
you didn't pick up the mop to help clean up.
You smeared the mess all over
because for once I stopped giving you everything I could.
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