fuck

23 pages... I didn't double space...
I DON'T HAVE 23 PAGES OF PRINTING PAPER!!!
hopefully my brother does!

ok this is hard

and it's quite sad....there are times where I rather have been physically abused than having to hear those painful words. Yes I rather have been slapped or whatever than to hear such painful accusations. Those words you will replay in your head over and over again like a recording.

So in class we had an assignment to hand in but we had to present it to each other in pairs before giving it to the prof. She focused on emotional/verbal abuse and she had this photo. Yup it hit a nerve.

Bruno Mars - Grenade [Official Music Video]

I had to post this, I just love this song and well the video is a heart breaker. It's sad how much shit people put themselves through for love when in the end it's not even returned.

well i'll be a son of gun...

...I did awesome on my lab test. Now it's just a matter of the final written exam and lab exam. If I can manage things the way they are *finger crossed* I will have attained something I never have in my entire life. =|
Yes.. yes..it's like school has become my boyfriend. Well I've been neglecting this boyfriend for the past weekend. Haha I haven't done any school work what so ever! But this week I'll most likely be nerdin' it. Next week is my final written exam for Health assess. and my final test for psych. and the week after that I have exams! Thankfully I just have a final exam for ppg3 and my final lab exam (like I mentioned above). Yeah NOT looking forward to the final lab exam AT ALL. It will be a comprehensive lab exam with the prof. where I have to do health assessment techniques for each system so from eyes ->va jay jay-> range of motion of the toe! =S That night will be my friend's birthday party.
Gosh a part of me does not want this school year to be over. And I know for a fact before I start school again in January I will endure this anxiety attack because I am starting clinicals. I made it a plan to practice taking vitals on my grandparents. bahahaha seeing that I know I will be put in an elderly care facility for the first semester, I might as well get used to getting vitals on the elderly. I also remember when I was studying in the library there were these students who were in a bit further in the program for nursing. So I asked what's their best advice for going into clinicals and they said "no your drugs and your health assessment thoroughly". So I think IF (and I really hope I make the time) I get the chance I will review that stuff over the break. That I think will calm my nerves(the sense of prepared-ness). I also have Nursing Theory 2 next semester. Jesus I heard the class average was 40%!! YEAH!! I KNOW :| That course was a bitch last semester.

p.s Janet jackson is just mmmmmmmmmmmmmm mmmmmm MMMMMMMMMM ;)

Realization #3

I saw the stalking star the other night...

As I lie in bed and look through our/his photos on my phone it feels as if a part of me thinks he's on a trip far far away and I'm just waiting for him to come back. I can't help wonder how someone kind-hearted like him can ever speak so disrespectful to me..

Yeah yeah I know I need to stop doing that...can't help it. ok back to bed. =]

skunk

So I was dropping my friend off at home after work. When she got out and it smelt like skunk. It smelt alot like weed though.. so being confused and curious I googled it..thank you yahoo answers. =\

"Well... this is somewhat of a subjective question. Not all people think good weed smells like skunk. However, this could very well be an evolutionary defense mechanism by the marijuana plant. The reason why marijuana plants with high THC content happen to have a very pungent odor is not well understood. However, through history, plants with a pungent offensive odor were probably less likely to be eaten by herbivores (and in current society smoked by potheads). This meant that marijuana plants with stronger odors had a better chance of survival.
Since cultivation for recreational purposes began, however, it is very unlikely that evolutionary pressures like that have been present. This is well demonstrated by the fact that a lot of "good weed" doesn't have the offensive smells that it used to. It can smell like pine trees, carrots or nothing at all! But, perhaps naturally cultivated weed could still retain that pungent, somewhat offensive odor. Hope this helps!"

Reference: http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20100919011820AAEPC0l

LOL DON'T JUDGE ME! Bahaha I was curious! =|

aftermath

Dear Liver,
Thank you for working overtime and processing the two tequilla shots, three jack daniel shots, one sex on the beach and the bottle of smirnoof cooler. May I also add the "good stuff" you also had to process as well. I'm sure I wasn't making things easier by wasting most of my body's energy by dancing on the dance floor.

-me

bahaha ok so last night was fun. I spoke to my friend and she was like Im so used to you being all humble. So it was different to see me on the dance floor all crazy. bahaha I remember at one point this white girl we met at the club was dancing with us for most of the night and I ended up hugging her and saying i love you(yes that should give u an idea of my intoxication level). sheeshh but overall niagara was nice we went to the casino, we went to rumours night club, there was a few sight seeing places there. I also got this amazing brownie which was even more amazing after having some the "good stuff". It just felt great dancing on the dance floor, not giving a rats ass who was watching me and my friends dance like drunken lunatics. Best song to dance to was lady gaga's song. Just dance, gonna be okay, da da doo-doo-mmm! It was nothing but a release to just get out there and have a fuckin good time...because honestly I haven't in a long time. Yes you distract yourself with readings books, watching shows and throwing yourself into work. But after all that it just felt great to cut loose.
Well I'm still a lil groggy, the headache is gone and I had some good sleep. My brother purposely kept talking to me loudly because he knew I had a hangover. lol i know hes a jerk..im like just you wait until your older. and he replies that why I want to go uni away from home *shiftty smile*. Well it's my friend's birthday party tonight. So gotta go to that but I'm just so frikken exhausted and it's up in rexdale. And then on top of that I have work tommorow morning. I also haev some school work to get started on.

seriously....

by the sounds of the wind pounding violently on my windows, I don't even want to step outside. Nevertheless, there is much to be accomplished before my brief departure tonight.
GAH! I'm going to freeze my ass off! Seriously I'm going to wear long underwear despite how ridiculous I look. The weather network said the weather is going to be ok. Oh well we are going to be mainly indoors. It will be fun. Unfortunately, I didn't finish my psych paper but it's not due until tuesday. The leadership paper lagged on and on especially with the stupid migraine. Frustrating part was staying within the page limit. In the end, I didn't follow the page limit and hopefully he doesn't deduct marks for that. The more the merrier right ;) bahahaha
Well I've waited long enough, most of my school stuff is out of the way. Tonight is going to be my first post break up getting smashed to escape from reality and just let go event. I guess like my friend said I've been holding back and I can't help but not to. A part of me still holds out hope but I realize I'm stopping myself from having a good time. So I'm going with my nursing friends so it should be fun..just not a big fan of the weather.

HISTORY LESSON

Keri Hilson's new song played on the radio as I drove to school still half asleep. I heard this song and I'm like "SERIOUSLY WTF?" because the chorus goes "Don't hate me 'cause I'm beautiful". So I changed the station thinking it was another shallow and egocentric pop song. After watching the video, I'm addicted to the song and I found out what the video is really about. She was representing black women from the past and present who have left a significant mark in the media. So here's the list:
1. Josephine Baker --> First African American to star in a major motion picture
2. Dorothy Dandrige --> first African American to be nominated for a best-actress Academy Award
3. Andrews Sister
4. The Supremes --> Diana Ross is a legend herself which is who Keri portrays
5. Janet Jackson
6. TLC
7. Herself (Keri Hilson)
Reference: http://new.music.yahoo.com/blogs/hiphopmediatraining/317159/keri-hilson-pays-tribute-to-janet-tlc-supremes-in-pretty-girl-rock-video/

The song is not about I'm hott and don't hate me for it. I realized that it was an "anthem" for women to love themselves and do the "pretty girl rock".

alright im tempted i have to do it so please don't mind my sudden burst of confidence.
My name is Ami, I'm so very
Fly oh my it's a little bit scary
Boys wanna marry looking at my derrierre
You can stare but if you touch it I'ma bury

stagnate

I think it was pretty stupid of me to view my friend's picture in which he was in when they went to the club... Feels like being i have been punched in the stomach and can't breathe briefly afterwards. well atleast he's happy right?

CBC News - Toronto - Daughter charged in deadly Markham home invasion

CBC News - Toronto - Daughter charged in deadly Markham home invasion

Bittersweet POST

RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIINN!!! I can finally wear my rainboots tehehehehe.. yeah I invested in a pair because I am one of those folks that are SO anal about getting their feet wet. I bring and extra pair of flats to change into a school. Luckily I have the luxury if putting my stuff in my locker.

Anyways, Happy this-would-have-been-our-1 yr and 10-month-anni.-but-we-are-broken-up-and-I-miss-you. BAH! I seem to be in a better mood..but of course that empty feeling is still there. I have this urge to go to the temple again, this time on my own =\. Maybe I will tommorow. I remember almost every anni. he would remember(and I wouldn't...I was such a douche), he would be keen on doing something special. *sigh* he was a good guy and if he learned how to deal with his flaws. I can genuinely say the next girl in his life is gonna be a happy one. Of course that would hurt like shit on my end but you know. Oh yeah I had a dream about him last night..he looked good. I guess it kind of put me at peace to hear that he's doing okay. I was worried about him and those of you who were close to me know that. There are times I have been tempted to call and talk to him. Even this morning, then I realized what the date was and I was like ugh maybe that's not a good idea. =\
So on better note I am treating myself to getting smashed. Me and the nursing girls are gonna go out soon seeing that we are just about to finish that midterms and assignments wave we've been working so hard on. LOL we're all craving that release... so it's at that right time after midterms/projects and before exams. So once we're done our lil party it's hitting back to the books.
On an EVEN better note...11:30 PM BABYYYYYYYYYYY!! BAHAHAH I woke up at 9 am. OMG I missed you SO MUCH sleep. This was something my body physically missed. LOL this may explain the good mood..lol reeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaallly *british accent* I guess the reason is because this whole weekend I was working and then after work I went and did something. So my body was just craving the bed. Yesterday I went to utsc but it wasn't that productive. I mean I got the projects done that is due today. But as I began to study for HA I was dozing off. So I packed up...came home and went straight to bed.
Here's my plan of study for the rest of the week:
TodaY:
Study today before 12 for HA
1 pm -3:30 -group meeting
6:30- 9:00- study at school
Tuesday:
I don't have class in the morning so my next class is PPG3.
So all morning I will study for HA, I'll probably come to school to do that. After PPG3 probably stay at school and study.
Wednesday:
Go to HA Class in the morning.
Study for HA until my lab test
after lab test I go home and I run around in circles as a form of celebration
Thursday:
I will not go to sick kids. I'm going to stay home and work on my two papers: Personality & growth Paper and my Leadership Paper for PPG3. AND maybe if I have the guts I'll finish up my muscleoskeletal readings for HA.

Okay lol I know you guys don't wanna be reading this boring crap.. but lol I have to put this somewhere to motivate myself.
On weird note.. Jojo is humping a rock. Like I dont know what the hell his deal is. Lately, every morning, when we wakes up..I turn on the light ..he'll go into this "stance" and he'll be rubbing his lil man on a rock. *shudders*

ps. don't ask about the colour LOL

ooo

came across this...and she spoke to me ;)

UPDATE: i swear the leaky black make up scares the shit outta me. Bahh i feel naseous from the pills =\ I have work again today and then im off to utsc to study bah:(

I don't like you Mommy

OK last one bahahah this guy just stole my heart

I Want A Lollipop Puppy NOW!

bahahaha If I ever have a child..I can see her pulling this off. Calling my dad to take her to mcdonalds and buy her ice cream. I said my dad because there will be no prospective male figures in her life.I know what you all are thinking ami yous so crassie but I got plans up sleeves. It's called JLO Back Up Plan or Jennifer Anniston's The Switch (except no switching). arright i should head to bed this stuffs getting to me. ok maybe after watchin it once more. Yes my maternal hormones are up a notch today I don't know WHY!

my justification to get high

So tonight was when my will power disappeared. I came home from my friend's party.. prior to arriving I spoke to my friend she gave me an update on him, told me how seems to be doing better(that's good). I broke down and cried. Yesterday I went to the temple Im just standing there praying..messed up part is i was tearing up and my eyes were closed. I look up and there's this guy looking at me. Im just like UGHHUGFHGUSDHSJDHS...WHAT?! The last few days have just not been easy for me. The whole night I tried my best to smile, keep a positive perspective and not be a downer. I came home...and took the pills. So I feel a bit better...I guess I feel numb with a slight high . Seeing that I'm not bawling as I type this out and imagine him at a club dancin with another chick (no no he didn't but come one any ex will wonder that). =\ Im telling you I have my ups and downs. This is just my down.
Am I getting into a bad habit? maybe but i don't give a fuck. No one can sit there and say shit to me "oh don't do that your gonna be dependent" fuck that shit.. I know I'm going to be arright and Im doing arright. I'm still focused on school, it's like my child so I'm putting my all into it. And I get it, you have to learn to cope with this shit "naturally" to fully heal. You shouldn't resort to drugs, alcohol, meaningless sex and sugary foods. I for one believe I've been one strong-headed bitch when dealing with this crap. yes I cry and yes I'll be down BUT I feel that it's justifiable to let myself have a treat and just go numb. I am the "captain" for my group who seems to be doing well with our overall research project, health assessment is tough but its working, personality and growth going good and PPG3.. damn that ethics paper is going in my nursing portfolio. No I'm not cocky.. it's my justification. Therefore, if I can manage that crap with school and the drama with having to let go off someone that was your #1 guy, then I AM ENTITLED TO LET LOOSE SOMETIMES! =)
I want a pitcher not a belly itcher.

weak point

Im tired of it...
Tired of the fronting
Tired of the "getting on with my life"
I miss him alot.
I don't care if I look like the idiot who misses the guy who said a bunch of shit to me.
I miss him...
I have this stupid gaping empty hole feeling in my stomach.
And I am aware that it's different now without him.
Like the fact that I dont need to worry if I was to go out with friends and I'd have to argue with him because of that.
But I miss him
I know this entry is so intoxicating.
Things aren't gonna change...especially him
I guess this why I don't see myself moving on because even though he was a jerk there were moments he made me feel like a queen.
Therefore, i dont want and need to go out and think of being with someone else...because no one will ever measure up to him.
What killed me the most was the thought of him being with someone else.
I felt like someone pulled out my intestines.
prior to our break up he spoke about this girl; long wavy hair, beautiful, tall, light skin, nice small, charismatic, down to earth and smart.
I cringe at the thought of them being together.
Why am I like this?

ADD ON @ 7:01 PM
I didn't want to make a new entry so I just edited this post. I guess the best part of all of this is I can recognize when I'm going to go downhill. I know how to treat myself I can either distract myself with work and feel that "accomplished" high to realize Im choosing the right path...and if it's really bad I know I'd be reaching for the pills tonight. Let's just hope it's not the latter. I'm going to the temple soon. I hope it helps, even though I shouldn't go with such expectations. That is not what a temple is for..but I guess at this point I can only pray that everything is going to be alright and everyone is okay.

Deathly Hallows

watched Harry Potter and The Deathly Hallows last night for the 12:01 am...it was just AMAZING.
I have this empty feeling that this long journey is almost over. :(

its been a while since I listened to this

If I were a boy
I think that Id understand
how it feels to love a girl
I swear Id be a better man
Id listen to her
cause I know how it hurts
when you loose the one you wanted
cause hes taken you for granted
and everything you had got destroyed.

(Beyonce- If I were a boy)

PLEASE TELL ME WHY

is it that in my dreams..we are still together.
and why was I wearing grey tights?...eww.
Some may respond with Freudian's Theory of Wishful Thinking.
I guess I am wishing...
bah anyways Im still half asleep ...the entire dream was messed up and me and him being together was only a fragment of it.
I think the part that really felt like I was stabbed between the chest was waking up from a dream in which we were holding hands.
Something so simple, which many take for granted.
ok well I should be getting ready for school. I have a few things to drop off at school before I go to Sick Kids.

Glee - Umbrella/Singin' in the Rain 2x07 - [FULL SCENE HQ]

love it love it love it!!!! AMAZING COMBINATION :D

owl

Cause I'm raising the bar, I shoot for the moon
But I'm too busy gazing at stars, I feel amazing and
I'm not afraid to take a stand

I gotta give it to eminem some of his music helped me through some hard times.

Today was a breath-taking leaving me speech-less day. A few weeks ago I had to hand in an Ethics PPG paper. The teacher warned us at the beginning of class when we asked about the class average on the paper. He said "Students have a tendency to do bad on this paper and the second paper is what brings up their mark because it's easier." So he returns back our paper and i swear the class went hush and there was a gloom. I was growing anxious sitting there waiting for my name to be called. All these thoughts were going in my head like this paper wasn't that easy and alot of resources had to be used to prove my points. Also the scenario I used was a little hard to work with. Well.. I got 100% =| I know ...I am stunned ....

So, I've been having sleeping problems. Like I've tried everything in the God damn book from meditating, reading, rubbing my head, drinking the warm milk, avoiding coffee ..EVEN TEA after 6. I guess its a matter of getting back into a habit of sleeping at a certain time. Because I got myself into this bad habit of going to bed at 2 or 4 am. I miss sleep. I miss having that deep sleep and waking up well-rested. After class this morning I came home and I took a nap. It was much needed.

realization #2

Jamaican music reminds me of him.

realization

drinking green tea makes me crave some good kush :|

do you ever feel like a plastic bag? NO KATY PERRRY I DONT! Plastic bags are hazardous to our environment. I THOUGHT YOU’D KNOW BETTER!

hi there :)

Darren Criss (acts as Blaine on Glee)

Bruno Mars -- Grenade (CDQ)

mhmmm you sing it bruno!

gave you all i had and you tossed in the trash
tossed in trash
yes you did!
to give me all your love is all i ever asked
cuz watchu don't understand is...
I'd catch a grenade for ya

don't let me crash my airplane! :|

It's 2 am
I have this amazing high
A high that cannot be attained by illegal or prescribed drugs
A high that cannot be attained by alcohol
A high that cannot be achieved by an orgasm
A high that cannot be achieved by chocolates and ice cream.
No this high... this high is something different.
This high is only experienced once in a while. It hits you when you least expect.
You have this feel good sensation in your abdomen and you know everything is going to be fuckin' alright.
It's this urge to kick things out of your way and do something.
It's this surge of energy to bust out the most ridiculous dance moves to exert all this happiness and excitement.
This high is something divine and spiritual but it has almost nothing to do with God.
This high is something beyond the universe but its all mentality.
Let's hope I don't crash ;)

p.s for those who I know and love, no I am not HIGH. OOooO and my ipod's playing some kick ass music, I'd dance but I think me thumping my fat ass around would scare my family. bahahaha :)

GLEE - "Teenage Dream" Full Performance!

mmm mmm mmm =)
best song they did on glee!

check it out - Nicki Minaj & Will i am

In my space shuttle and I’m not coming down.

slums

ugh never buy pads for $2.99. Disgusting!

I remember we were at costco and he told me go get pads. And I'm like no it's okay. Then he goes fine I just suggested it because you'd complain you don't have pads when you really need it.

I don't care how many people I am repulsing right now...I need my night time pads right now and I dont have any =( He was a good guy... he knew me pretty well and cared for me.
I guess you all know that by now with all my numerous attempts to justify that here or you just know. I'm just disappointed what happened to us and that he has become this guy that only he can change to do better for himself. No matter how much we pray to God the choices people make it's in their hands. God is not going to come down and be like HEY YOU! STOP! I think God is someone like moderator who maintains this equilibrium, to make sure that things just don't go out of balance.
And Im sick and tired of talking about him. I must be annoying.

Wow I'm really all over the place today.Well here's a =| video

hey soul sister

You'd think after midterms I can run around saying "free at last, free at last, Thank God Almighty we are free at last!" (that's from Martin Luther King's speech). But no...starting November 15-November 24th I have 7 various projects ( various as in 2 assignments, presentation, group project, essay and a paper) and topped off with a Lab Test, I know best cherry on top ever. I know would I like some cheese with that wine? It's just I can't help but want to shake my hips to Barbra Streisand by Duck Sauce. wooooott =) Well, on the bright side I kind of like the 7 projects, sort of find it challenging. So it's time I get on the horse and jump over those damn hurdles. Don't know if I'd ever do horse back riding, according to the best friend it hurts your cooch or maybe Im just taking what she said out of context bahahaha. ;)

The latest home invasion in Markham has my family spooked. The people came in, shot the woman of the house and was pronounced dead. The father is severly injured. The 24 year old daugther was kept seperate from the parents and tied up. It happened on 407 & Kennedy. It's just insane! *sigh* Rest in peace. truly hope York Region Police can find those who are responsible for this.
http://www.cp24.com/servlet/an/local/CTVNews/20101109/101109_home_invasion/20101109/?hub=CP24Home

Can't Sing Psycho Girl Freaks Out When She Can't Hit The Right Notes!!!

I die from laughter everytime I watch this...no matter how many times I watch it.

Life Goals

1. Become a Nurse
2. Volunteer Abroad in a foreign under-developed country.
   
3. Finish some unfinished business- Go back to York, study part time and get a BA in psych. or philosophy
4. Participate in writing a medical research paper
5. Open up a support group for emotionally abused women
6. Ride an elephant and kiss him or her! (nothing sexual >=\)
7. Go on a trip to the Galapagos islands.
   

Looking at this list gives me this empty-gut feeling that you get when you drop down a steep hill on a roller coaster. It's a sense of intimidation, fear, excitement and thrill, all at the same time! As much as I want to do all this, I stare at the list dumfounded. How can I accomplish all of this? Do I have the potential? What if I don't do all of this? What if I do?!

I can see some personal growth that I can allocate such goals. I’m surprised at myself. Nevertheless, I feel like a baby who has a long way to go to accomplish all of this. This list is my reminder, that despite everything that has happened to me, that I can’t let myself held back. Life most go on and it does. And unfortunately people let themselves get left behind. They let the state of their life control them. All of last week, I can clarify to you I had symptoms of depression. I took a sedative, it gave me this high that made you feel like you were walking on sunshine. Never felt anything like it! As a nursing student, I know this drug is highly addictive and patients develop dependency to it. I woke up feeling like CRAP. Because yes it’s a band-aid, it made me feel good then and there. I felt so ashamed that I resorted to it, once again (this was not my first time). From then on I knew I am an idiot. I cannot let life go on, and let myself get left behind. People go on, they have their own lives, and they go on to make themselves better. People can care ONLY so much about you because they have a life of their own. So I laid there at 4 am, all these thoughts racing through my head and my heart was pounding with anger and adrenaline had kicked in. The thought creeped in you know it would calm you down. But I pushed that stupid thought aside. I laid there and WHAM! One after another all these ideas came in my head. I wrote them down.

I always wonder what my purpose for being here? I always answered, to have kids and raise them.(LOL no lies) What difference do I make in this world? Probably not a lot but now I can say it wouldn’t hurt to try to make a difference. I think I finally have reconnected with God. It isn’t always sunshine and rainbows. There are moments where I am the shit in the urine. But I guess this is what it’s all about: falling down, getting up, wobbling to get back your stance and walking again and then repeat. As much as it’s so easy to say don’t let your emotions control you, they will, its human nature. But the point of being human is not acting on impulse that it consumes your entire life and its also not finding quick fixes like taking sedatives for your emotions. You got to get to the root cause! I haven’t found the root cause or maybe I have. Maybe I know what it is but I let my emotions get the best of me. A week from now, there’s a chance I will probably be in the slums again. But from what self-reflected and observed of myself; if I get bad, I get better.

I always felt like I was a failure. For me a goal can never be accomplished successfully at the first shot. And so to write out these goals I was intimidated and I was putting myself out there because I may fail, thus disappointing myself which leads to beating myself up for it. I still fear I may fail but the goals give me a motivation, a direction and options!

As much as I was (maybe I still am) ashamed that I study at a college, there is a significant change in happiness and contentment. I’m a grateful for those individuals in my life and God for bringing me here. I know the journey isn’t done but coming to this college has changed me. I was always introverted and never really got involved. Now here I am writing out lists to get involved and do something! It’s a big change and a significant amount of the credit goes to the college and my Nursing Program.

I do, however, need to remind myself that these are goals not plans. Life does not go as one plans. Of course, I always fail to realize that and get ahead of myself but maybe one day I will achieve these goals. I hope I do.

wow

Today was not a good day, spent a majority of the morning in bed. Until I got really hungry, it's not even that I'm lazy. I just don't want to get out of bed. It's funny I recognize what I am doing and how I need to change myself or else I'm going to never get out of this hole.
I got up, went downstairs in a bitter mood to eat. I was putting myself food when there was only one spoon of veggie curry. I broke down...I walked to the stairs, my mom was sitting there because she saw me go downstairs. I looked at her, broke down started crying and said "there’s no vegetable" It seems kind of comical now to childishly cry over something like that. But my mom very well knew I was not in a good mood. So she came and fixed my food :) hugged me and said "One day I am going to see you going to work at Sick Kids" (I’m so grateful for her… and that is an understatement). I knew it was best not to stay home, I was going to sit there dwell on the past, the future, the present and on him.
My jaw dropped and I sat there with my mouth for I don't know how long. I stared at my mark in disbelief. Health Assessment was a bitch. Preparing for the exam was a bitch. Waiting outside the classroom to write the exam was a bitch. Writing 25 short answer (85 marks) health assessment exam was a bitch. Talking and mumbling to myself as my professors stared at me was a bitch (no exaggeration I looked crazy).
My mark wasn't excellent but it was better than I expected. I'm shocked and proud at myself at the same time.
On a day to day basis so many good things happen to us, which goes unrecognized. The good things that happen to us through alot of effort and work is highly praised, which makes sense. It's been a long time since I felt good about myself. But seeing my mark, well that my friends was my lorezpam for the day. I’ve begun doubting my sanity.. but hey there's gotta be something good with me if I made it through that health assessment exam successfully right? :)

Rihanna- Love the way you lie pt. 2

On the first page of our story, the future seems so bright.
And this thing turned out so evil, I don’t know why I’m still surprised.
Even angels have their wicked schemes and you take death to new extremes.
But you’ll always be my hero, even though you lost your mind.

it's a start, it's a mess

I fail to remember that when the shit hit the fan... you didn't pick up a mop to help clean up.

You were once the guy who sat by me in the emergency as I passed blood clots through my urethra, you were once the guy I cried on when I felt like my whole world was collapsing because I did not get into nursing, You were once the guy who came with me to colleges to get into a school on such a short notice, you were the first person to give me the news I got accepted in nursing at Seneca when I was walking to the subway after SickKids, You were the first person to tell my mom I got into nursing at Seneca and restored some hope in her, You were the one who helped decided on where I should go, You were the one who gave me the neck massages when we studied at utsc and I was stressing for anatomy, you were one who tested me on anatomy and phys. asking me questions as if I was on a game show, you were once the guy who I sat on the phone while on the toilet, you were once the guy who I confided in all my secrets with, you were once the guy who knew all my insecurities, you were once the guy who spoiled me with gifts even though I RARELY asked and objected to the idea...
but you were also the guy...
who used my past against me even though I was honest with you, who used my secrets against me even though I was open and trusting, who would get drunk and start petty arguments with me, who would get jealous for the smallest things when you know the end of the day we go to bed talking to each other, who compared me to another girl because maybe I just wasn't fuckin' good enough, who accused me of cheating when I was nothing but honest, who demanded me to get rid of all his stuff because you didn't want me having it, who decided it was okay to do things that went against my trust,
You are the guy who assured that I will never trust another person again with my secrets. You are the guy that made me second guess on what I share with someone. You are the guy that made me keep up a defense to protect my bruised ego and self-esteem. You are the reason I devote most of my time studying and watching tv because I then have a reason to be alone and not talk to anyone. You are the reason I hate being alone but want to be anyways.

You think you're pain? It goes both way which is why...
I fail to remember
that when the shit hit the fan
you didn't pick up the mop to help clean up.
You smeared the mess all over
because for once I stopped giving you everything I could.

hair ties

are always unusually expensive (unless u get them at a dollar store). I gotta get some, I've been wearing my lil cousins for the past week. Mind you this was her hair tie when she was 4? . =\

I was driving home after I finished my exam, Single Ladies came on.. Oh looked up at the sky and said "you really love screwin' with me dont cha?"

so sick of love songs

Gosh Im so sick of studying. My friend just went to go grab food while my other friend went to the class that we're skipping. So now Im sitting here all by myself. This man in my class typical dominant tradional brown man comes and asks me a question. He doesnt even let me answer it and starts explaining to his own question. :| lol I didnt know the answer so now im freaking out. I hate it when people ask me questions before a test (even though mine is tommorow) it's makes me freak out and question my ability.
Bahh I just saw a guy check out a girl's ass. Like come on at least be subtle about it. I seriously.. need...to get a..WINTER JACKET and A FALL JACKET. I have a fall but it shrunk over time after the washes.

Jojo's photoshoot ;)

What Jojo is doing above is fanning. Turtles do this when they are (a) angry/frightened/about to fight..its a sign of aggression (b) horny/about to mate.... ==> he's afraid of the dark. When his tank light is on but if my room is dark (which it was) for him it looks dark..so he fans. No he ain't masturbatin' believe me I've seen it all :|.

Everybody like kung fu fightin heyaaaaaaaaaa!

Jojo, yous a posssssserrr :P

Jojo's wolverine pose...he looks like a fighter in this one :) His nails are coming in nice and long.
(male turtles have longer nails so they have a better grip when they *ahem* do the nasty)

Catchin' some vitamin D..mmm mmm MMM

comparisons

I'm angry at him.

Once again... I wrote a long page of shit. Ctrl A + Delete.

Why? I'm up late... studying/ breaks of grey's anatomy. Luckily I can wake up late tommorow and then I'm off to school to do..can you guess what? Study so more.