I'm am frikken counting down to the days when some good weather hits. And yes I type this as Toronto is under some Severe Storm watch. ARGH! I've never loathed winter as much as I did now. Last night Jojo was so noisy...I don't know what in God's name he was doing but I just changed his tank water last night so he was restless and making all these noises.
For the past few nights I've been having these fucked up dreams about my him. (Not jojo... him) Well for a good amount of time I had dreams that we were still in the relationship even though in reality we weren't. Most of this week have consisted hostile and even violent dreams.
Dream #1: I had a dream that he passed away so when I asked his sister what had happened. He told me he had emphysema. Somehow we were at their house but it didn't look like their house it was the hospital I do my clinicals at. Anyways he walked into the room and he looked so skinny (like the kind of skinny you get when you are ill) and asked what I was doing here. I lied to cover up the fact we were talking bout him and said we were studying for anatomy. And then he said some stuff trying to get me jealous...which didn't work. Dream ended.
Dream #2: Me and him have gotten back together but I was still a little unsure of things and so it was akward. We were at the movies he comes back from what I thought was the washroom but tells me instead how he stabbed his sister in law. At this point I was freaking out on whether she was okay, why he did it and if his niece saw. So when I ran through the movie theatre looking for her I couldn't find her. But the police was already at the theatre. I sat with the group of investigators. At one point he walked by and saw me sitting with the police. So I was thinking to myself how I'd have to change my identity and gfet my family to move because he will be under the impression I ratted him out to the police but I didn't even though I was filled with so much guilt. Then there was a dream transisition.
Dream #3: Him and I were back together but it wasn't the same as it used to be. We weren't all lovey dovey or even happy to be with each other. There was this distance, estrangement and once again bitter akwardness. Neither of us didn't have time for each other because of our differing schedules. We were at a diner eating breakfast and I told him you know we should make some time to see each other. And when I said it, I felt like I was reaching out for him and putting in the work and being needy. Im not sure if you get what I mean but yeah the dream ended.
Weird right? I've got work to do and I'm being super lazy. Today is my lab from 1:30-7:30 pm. FRIKKEN 6 hours! I didn't have to go to the hospital today though. Thankfully, February is a short and painful month so it will be over before I know it. hahaha I say that with such frikken optimism. I just want my spring break...I hate all this work and I hate this damn weather. I want sunshine!! Okay I'm done being the whiney baby..gonna go jog on my treadmill and do some exercises to release this stress. Yum :)
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