The 6 month mark point

When I got out of my first serious relationship, I was single for a good 6 months. That very year in december I met my recent ex. Looking back I'm thinking to myself Six months after a ~3 years relationship I got back into a serious relationship!? Mind you within that 6 month period I had my messed up relation with a guy friend of mine. So I never really had that time for myself. Well I did not want history to repeat itself. Hence today marks the 6 month mark point , I'm not in a relationship. Which of course only makes sense and also may be silly and trivial to readers, I can't see myself doing that right now. I think the best words to decribe it is I'm emotionally exhuasted. And for those of you who are close to me know after last night I think I'm just going to back off in general. Last night was more of a reality check to always go with your gut feelings, instincts and that there's nothing wrong with having your guards up. It was also a severe bruise to my ego and an attack to my pride. I think that's majority of reason for my anger and embarrassement.
There are some achievements I wish I could have accomplished within this year(regarding school) but I guess time will come for those. As I look back, not only did I realize what fucked up shit I put myself in but also I really can write a tell all book. Seriously, it would be a good read! lol. I think regardless of everything that's happened; I'm proud that I've gotten past it all. I can say with 100% I am over my ex. I can say with respect, that my first bf was a good guy to have the decency to apologize for his share of shit. I can now say I'm seriously done wondering about this crap and do my own shit and follow my own rules. I don't care if I have trust issues, I'm happy with them. They will be my own protective bubble and any guy who can get past those issues is truly worth it. I don't mind the whole dating scene but I think my judgement has learned a lesson. I'm exasperrated. I've got other things on my mind like school and let's just focus on that and enjoying my time with my wonderful friends.
One thing I am definately proud of is, I went from weighing in the ~140s to ~120s!(damn a break up can really make you gain weight! lol :|) I told my brother and he goes Finally...you weigh less than me! I called him a douche bag and walked off feeling totally awesome about my persistence and hardwork finally paying off. I'm content with my life, blessed with the crazy family I love and grateful for my supportive friends. I know where I'm going and I adore this stability. So that being sad, I don't want a new person that I don't trust and disturbing that balance. I wonder to myself what's going to happen to me when it comes to a relationship, not that I see it anytime soon and I know its ridiculous for me to wonder that. I do know for a fact I need time (alot of it) for myself but I guess these question pop up here and there when I think about the future.
Ah well I've got better things to worry about then the future LOL. Like my simulation lab this wednesday and my final test for Theory 2 this thursday that I need to kick ass in. I set up a goal for loosing weight for my birthday. I'm not pushing it on myself but it would be a bonus if I achieve it. But like I said I've exams and school to worry about so If I loose the weight I'd be proud of myself. I also think the stress with clinicals and school helped with the weight loss. My clinicals teacher looked at me and was like you lost weight. I responded saying "yeah I'm trying to." She was like "I thought it may have been the stress with school" and I'm like "haha..I think that was a reinforcement" I remember arguing with him a while back and he was like "I see you're going to the gym now, so you can check out guys and look good for them eh" (not word for word but along those lines). No this was not for me to check out guys, this was not for me to look good for guys or to get comments from others, this was purely for myself, because after all the crap and shit I felt after the break up I deserve to feel this good about myself now.