Letter

If my mind could speak this is what it would say:

To Emotions, I really wish you'd shut the fuck up and give me some peace and balance. Enough with the pity, sadness, and enough with the anger! I see you make some progress and heck it relieves me..but why do you let us get dragged down two steps when we make three steps forward?

To Memories, okay I know you exist! Of coure you are always going to be there but seriously you are not making things easy by just showing up right now. Just give me my space and let me accept reality for what it is.

To Self- Motivation, well isn't good to see you after a long frikken time? I guess you showed up with the help of strength? Well better late than never, I need you now more then ever.

To Strength, I never knew your potential but I've been seeing alot of you lately. Thank you for getting me through this.

To sanity, it's messed up. I notice you walking around with such a business-like gait .But, I know deep down you wanna be in a corner crying because emotions and memories just won't leave you alone.

We fail to realize the choices we have in life. We really do! We plan, strive and when we fail we beat ourselves up over it. Making decisions in life... some people don't have the courage to do it. They rather just sit comfortably where they are and endure it. It was big blow to my ego and pride (in fact I think it's still a tad bruised,) when I decided to switch from university to college. But I am not saying I have courage, I wish I could get more of that. It's more like I've made some tough decisions in my life. We all do. Sometimes I wish I had a chance to click rewind and redo, whether it be personal or professional. But if I did that I think I have failed to realize the reason I went through the shit and how much I've learnt from it. I think this is how life works ; you know when your going down a water slide in those big inflatable doughnuts at a waterpark. You're screaming at a high pitch and you have the power to stear right or left... but you really don't know the turns of the slide and what direction it's gonna go. LOL I hope Im making sense. Power, it's something that is so peculiar in this universe. Because to a certain degree we have a sense of control over it. I have a sense of control of whom I speak to, what I eat, and whether I will attend my physical exam next week(not looking forward to that PAP exam :|). Those plans will then reinforce any other future plans. However, than there are those others plans; I"'m going to marry him, afterwards we are going to wait a while and then have children." OR "I am going to be come a RPN, after that I am going to do my bridging and after that I am going to study to become an RN." That "stuff" has a different "book keeper". Some of us (including me) merely make those plans to feel a sense of control over their life, because the future is unknown. Of course, I'd be crushed if nursing doesnt work out for me. Just like I've been crushed when certain things don't go my way as I planned out it to be. Regarding nursing, "Being crushed" is an understatement, only because I've been working so hard for this and wanting it so bad. However, if it's not what it's cut out to be theeeeeeeenn fuck my water slide is ONE FUCKIN TWISTED SLIDE! I guess when it comes to nursing like good old eminem put it: "Sucess is my only motherfucking option, failure's not..."