I'm effin shit scared for this interview. Woke up this morning to a sore body from the work out. So the side effects from the pills had be scarping down anything I craved. The first week was bad but today, woke up feeling not so bad. I'm scared to weigh myself seriously.
I think I am trying to figure out school and the nursing stuff. I don't really think I am ready. For Gods sake last night I had a dream I was getting high an partyin' it up. And of course that's not the life I want nor is mine like that. But I guess it' about a sense of freedom. I think just because due to past experiences I equate romantic relationships either (1) superficial and phoney BS or (2) restrictions, restrictions and restrictions. And yes, I am aware just because one guy in your life was a complete douche doesn't mean they all are. I never realized the walls I had up as chessey as it sounds. And a part of me doesn't want to take them down. I like them how they are. I know that I may be risking the loss of something meaningful, nevertheless these kind of situations need certainty. I understand I've been so inconsistent. Never in my life am I indecisive so it's almost a conundrum. There's no rush. It's just a matter of not toying with people's emotions or taking it for granted at the cost of my confusion.
