Went out with the school friends last night. Sitting her on my bed with my head and body drained of energy. Maybe I should eat? I feel naseous. I can't even recall the last time feeling nausea as a symptom of hangover? Maybe first or second year. Usually I just get body fatigue and to the most a headache. It was a really fun night though! Lol we got into some weird conversations. One I specifically remember is about having female and male friends. I was saying that, yes you should have friends of both genders. I feel that with girls you have this sense of connectedness almost like a sisterhood. Of course this depends on your "friends" too, if the person has negative attributes to the friendship, then that emotional support from a female friend is not established. With male friends its more about letting go. As females we worry too much about what others think. With the guys, your just one of the guys. You can say and do whatever you want. There is no hidden grudges and secrets. (Or atleast with the guys I've interacted.) It's more about cracking jokes and having a good time.
I had to go with my brother shopping because he needed to get some clothes before going of to university. I ended up buying underwear from Aerie. Mind you these were some hard core girly panties; Floral, cute polka dots, pastels, and even lace on two of them! I don't know what possessed me but they were just so pretty. Today I'm going to do some last minute shopping for camping and I'm going grab some bras. As I scavenged through the neatly arranged piles of under garments in the store I was having some sort of power struggle. Why am I getting this? Why do I need these pretty underwear? No one is going to see them but myself, so what is the point? But I guess I just wanted to treat myself and just be out of the ordinary. Now I know it's weird that I'm even blogging about this but I think the main point is why should I even think like that? Does one have to be sexually active to own pretty under garments? No of course not, anyone is entitled to just feel good inside and out. After shopping I intend onf coming home cleaning up my room and start packing. *sigh* It's going to be crazy, nevertheless the weekend will be fun, I need to get out of this place for a bit.
Well, I guess this will be the first time I'm blogging about this and it's so weird. Him and I have been texting back and forth. It hasn't really progressed to "actual" conversations but more like getting to know each other on a friend level and cracking jokes. I like it and I think I'm interested but we'll see. I'm in no rush for anything. Nevertheless, I'd like to get to know him better. Wow it feels so weird typing this out. I think I'm so cautious that I have these weird power struggles. I keep telling myself and those close to me all these possibly negative things about him.(which aren't true but just my assumptions). It's my defense mechanism to never let my guards down. I'm scared I will let them down, in fact I'm scared they are going down. I don't want to get hurt, disappointed or humiliated for the matter. I know we should all go with the flow and enjoy life experiences, but I've been through some serious crap. I've struggled with getting over the break up and getting myself together that I don't want to be back and feel that pain and despair ever again. I know pain is inenvitable and we need to just let go and try. But that's all crap that I keep saying to myself. Right now I can just be spazzing out because like I said, it's just texting. Maybe I am infatuated? Maybe that's it. Like I was saying, I've gotten much progress and felt a sense of growth within myself. I finally feel good about me, both inside and out. What if getting involved with someone I lose myself yet again? I definately know better this time around but I don't want to be dependent and attached. I think I have a tendency of being like that so I'm not ready. I guess I can just take it one step at a time and make time for myself and not let him or others be the centre of my life. It's about prioritzing yourself and others. How it works was after the break up you learn to put your life back together and then you learn how to put yourself back together. After that, I think it's more like fine-tuning your other relationships and important aspects in life. Then it's a matter of learning to be on your own and regaining that confidence and self-esteem. After that it's learning how to keep yourself true while maintaing other relationships (family, friends, dating etc.).
I had to go with my brother shopping because he needed to get some clothes before going of to university. I ended up buying underwear from Aerie. Mind you these were some hard core girly panties; Floral, cute polka dots, pastels, and even lace on two of them! I don't know what possessed me but they were just so pretty. Today I'm going to do some last minute shopping for camping and I'm going grab some bras. As I scavenged through the neatly arranged piles of under garments in the store I was having some sort of power struggle. Why am I getting this? Why do I need these pretty underwear? No one is going to see them but myself, so what is the point? But I guess I just wanted to treat myself and just be out of the ordinary. Now I know it's weird that I'm even blogging about this but I think the main point is why should I even think like that? Does one have to be sexually active to own pretty under garments? No of course not, anyone is entitled to just feel good inside and out. After shopping I intend onf coming home cleaning up my room and start packing. *sigh* It's going to be crazy, nevertheless the weekend will be fun, I need to get out of this place for a bit.
Well, I guess this will be the first time I'm blogging about this and it's so weird. Him and I have been texting back and forth. It hasn't really progressed to "actual" conversations but more like getting to know each other on a friend level and cracking jokes. I like it and I think I'm interested but we'll see. I'm in no rush for anything. Nevertheless, I'd like to get to know him better. Wow it feels so weird typing this out. I think I'm so cautious that I have these weird power struggles. I keep telling myself and those close to me all these possibly negative things about him.(which aren't true but just my assumptions). It's my defense mechanism to never let my guards down. I'm scared I will let them down, in fact I'm scared they are going down. I don't want to get hurt, disappointed or humiliated for the matter. I know we should all go with the flow and enjoy life experiences, but I've been through some serious crap. I've struggled with getting over the break up and getting myself together that I don't want to be back and feel that pain and despair ever again. I know pain is inenvitable and we need to just let go and try. But that's all crap that I keep saying to myself. Right now I can just be spazzing out because like I said, it's just texting. Maybe I am infatuated? Maybe that's it. Like I was saying, I've gotten much progress and felt a sense of growth within myself. I finally feel good about me, both inside and out. What if getting involved with someone I lose myself yet again? I definately know better this time around but I don't want to be dependent and attached. I think I have a tendency of being like that so I'm not ready. I guess I can just take it one step at a time and make time for myself and not let him or others be the centre of my life. It's about prioritzing yourself and others. How it works was after the break up you learn to put your life back together and then you learn how to put yourself back together. After that, I think it's more like fine-tuning your other relationships and important aspects in life. Then it's a matter of learning to be on your own and regaining that confidence and self-esteem. After that it's learning how to keep yourself true while maintaing other relationships (family, friends, dating etc.).
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