nothing

There is something about nothing that makes it so appealing.

I can say this with no shame but a sense of pride. I got out of bed at 2 pm. I woke up around 9:45 am but went back to sleep, woke up again, went back to sleep and woke up at 12:54. At this point I was like okay this is a tad bit excessive. I stayed in bed and read Eat, Pray, Love. The book is okay, I find myself getting bored at sometimes, which is quite unfortunate but there’s something about the character that I have in common. She seems so lost spiritually, she’s trying to find God. I’m not trying to go Jehovah on you, but I have been. I’ve looked at my friends, my boyfriend and my father through these lenses of negativity. Every action they do I saw it as the worst. From their I’ve pushed myself away. What does this have to do with spirituality? I don’t know but I guess I look at God in a negative sense to. I remember telling my brother I find it hard to accept religion but I can accept God. But of course God is at a distance in my personal word. I don’t think about him everyday, I don’t thank him for his blessings and I don’t pray three times a day. When he comes up he comes up. I’ve become so evidence-based, its like if God exists why don’t I feel him (not physically but that emotional, mental inner gut feeling)? Why don’t I see him? Is God even a He? If so why?

Anyways, after reading, I then went down to eat lunch and drink tea. It started to rain. There’s this silence prior to rainfall, it’s so eerie because every simple action like the scrapping of the garbage bin as it’s dragged on the pavement becomes exaggerated and loud. Everything becomes to quite and desolate. It began to pour… so I did it. I mean it was tempting who wouldn’t?! I went out in the rain and my mom yelled at me to come back inside because I might get sick. It was so relaxing and unusual. Afterwards, I came upstairs dried myself off put on my robe and pjs and laid in my bed as the sun shines through the window. Jojo seems to like it. He doesn’t go up to his balcony to sunbath unless there is sun.

It feels good.. no pressure or obligations nothing to think about. My plans for today? Go to the tea shop to pick up this tea I tried at David’s tea yesterday. It was an ayruvedic tea that they sell, I have Pitta but I tried Shanti and it was amazing. It has this aroma that tickles your senses. There are only two places I’d work just for the 50% discount: David’s tea and Garage. Fortunately they opened up a David’s tea in STC. Otherwise, I’d have to travel far to pick up my tea. After that I want to go to Chapters, there’s just something about that store that feels so nice. I don’t think I attend on buying anything because I have a few books to finish. Its fun just looking at books. But we’ll see about going to chapters.

Oh yah, Im not trying out for soccer. Of course I feel like a failure for not going out and trying, but I just don't want to. I hate the uncertainity because I know if I was so sure about the soccer, there wouldn't have been such uncertainity for me.