Before, a WHILE back (1 year +) I used to pray every time I heard sirens. Now, how much I pray has diminished. I used to be religious, now I rarely find myself thinking about God. I wonder if I have "too much going on" or just "too comfortable" do I neglect God? What is the reason that I stopped praying on a daily basis? I feel guilty that I lost that touch with God. But who is God? Why haven't I really tried re-connecting? We go on with our days, typing on our computers, running to catch the bus or running the red light that we fail to stop to take a breath and think. Think about ourselves, our body, our mind and what we are putting ourselves through. I guess I'm just experiencing some defense mechanism of my mind because seriously I am overwhelmed. What I dislike about myself is I sit here and rant about my school, but I shouldn't feel guilty. This is just a drama I'm dealing with and that's what I can talk about. Why I am justifying this I guess has a past history, that stung and scarred me pretty severe, that I feel self-conscious talking about the stresses of school. Oh well.. back to God. Anyways, I heard these sirens, as I was filling out my Nursing Evaluations and Feedback Tool. The sirens were loud and going on for a while. I prayed.
After a long time, I prayed that everything was okay because of the siren. I can't change who I am nor what I have done, what I am doing and what I planning on doing.unless I really feel the need to. And I guess I can change the relationship with God. That kind of will to change has to come from within. I guess in a sense I've taken my relationship with God for advantage. It's as if it's non-existent or neutral.. maybe more neutral. We have so many shrines, statues, photos and prayers dedicated to many Gods. But who is God? Is it a female or male? Is God warm and protective or cold and punishing? Is God someone who just lets you do what you want and learn from your falls and bruises? Or does God put you in those situations so your "soul" can learn something for a "future life time"? Does God choose who you are surrounded with or is that your doing? Does God choose our parents? If God did, thank you for my mom she was the best person to come out of. lol ..only I would make a situation like this into something humorous. I don't know why I decided to talk about it here where it's exposed and vulnerable but I needed to put it down somewhere and this was the first thing available. Well I guess the sirens were a start of something. Things just get complicated when I think about life beyond this earth, this universe, there are other solar systems out there with a star the same size as the sun. There is chance for life. We can't be egocentric and assume we are the only living beings. In the big scheme of things we JUST arrived on earth (we're probably the reason to destroy it sooner too) and we are REALLY small compared to many other objects (stars, planets, black holes) out there. So if there is life out there, besides us, is there a God responsible for them? And then our God meets with these others God and has meetings about how things are going? lol sorry another joke.. or is it ONE GOD for every living thing out there including us and if there is any out there. I believe there is a chance of life beyond this solar system, I think it would be narrow minded to assume that we are the only ones. I mean it's amazing that we can evolve into what we are but what's stopping evolution, natural selection, random mutations, AIDS, inventions, birth, death, tissue regenration, cell division, mitosis, meiosis...from happening elsewhere? And if it exists is it the same God (sorry to be repetitive)? Then comes to the questions was God created by us, Humans. Was God created to give us some sort of comfort and net to fall back in time of crisis? Back when there was no technology, many tribes could have said God was angry when there was a thunderstorm. However now we learned through experimentation's and observations that thunderstorms were more than an act of God but warm most air colliding with cooler air (correct me if I'm wrong?) So God was just an answer for things we never had a solution or response to. However, how do you incorporate God in a life where there are solution manuals for everything! I feel when you say God did this God did that, we fail to go beyond that box and explore what could have caused, even if God did it. How did it happen? What were the steps? I can see and understand the concept of prayer but I guess I question this God? Is praying like sending mail to an address with no one living there? I guess I am confused. I go to temple, regardless, I say the Hindu prayers I was taught as a child which is engraved into my brain. And then I pray to God, talk to him or her, tell them about everything. But then I question...if there is a God shouldn't they know what I am feeling? What I am going through? What I want or need? I used to pray for someone and a situation neither of us never really had control of. So is praying just a form of exerting our lack of control, putting it into the hands of someone whom we believe and think can do something? When someone dies, who do we pray to that the soul is okay? Some would most likley pray to God. Only because we don't know how it is on the other side, if there person is okay, oif nothing happened and their body just decayed. We do it for our own self-relief or our mind's way filtering out the stuff to big to take into our hands. Anyways this has gotten long enough and I have papers to do for tomorow. YIKES.
After a long time, I prayed that everything was okay because of the siren. I can't change who I am nor what I have done, what I am doing and what I planning on doing.unless I really feel the need to. And I guess I can change the relationship with God. That kind of will to change has to come from within. I guess in a sense I've taken my relationship with God for advantage. It's as if it's non-existent or neutral.. maybe more neutral. We have so many shrines, statues, photos and prayers dedicated to many Gods. But who is God? Is it a female or male? Is God warm and protective or cold and punishing? Is God someone who just lets you do what you want and learn from your falls and bruises? Or does God put you in those situations so your "soul" can learn something for a "future life time"? Does God choose who you are surrounded with or is that your doing? Does God choose our parents? If God did, thank you for my mom she was the best person to come out of. lol ..only I would make a situation like this into something humorous. I don't know why I decided to talk about it here where it's exposed and vulnerable but I needed to put it down somewhere and this was the first thing available. Well I guess the sirens were a start of something. Things just get complicated when I think about life beyond this earth, this universe, there are other solar systems out there with a star the same size as the sun. There is chance for life. We can't be egocentric and assume we are the only living beings. In the big scheme of things we JUST arrived on earth (we're probably the reason to destroy it sooner too) and we are REALLY small compared to many other objects (stars, planets, black holes) out there. So if there is life out there, besides us, is there a God responsible for them? And then our God meets with these others God and has meetings about how things are going? lol sorry another joke.. or is it ONE GOD for every living thing out there including us and if there is any out there. I believe there is a chance of life beyond this solar system, I think it would be narrow minded to assume that we are the only ones. I mean it's amazing that we can evolve into what we are but what's stopping evolution, natural selection, random mutations, AIDS, inventions, birth, death, tissue regenration, cell division, mitosis, meiosis...from happening elsewhere? And if it exists is it the same God (sorry to be repetitive)? Then comes to the questions was God created by us, Humans. Was God created to give us some sort of comfort and net to fall back in time of crisis? Back when there was no technology, many tribes could have said God was angry when there was a thunderstorm. However now we learned through experimentation's and observations that thunderstorms were more than an act of God but warm most air colliding with cooler air (correct me if I'm wrong?) So God was just an answer for things we never had a solution or response to. However, how do you incorporate God in a life where there are solution manuals for everything! I feel when you say God did this God did that, we fail to go beyond that box and explore what could have caused, even if God did it. How did it happen? What were the steps? I can see and understand the concept of prayer but I guess I question this God? Is praying like sending mail to an address with no one living there? I guess I am confused. I go to temple, regardless, I say the Hindu prayers I was taught as a child which is engraved into my brain. And then I pray to God, talk to him or her, tell them about everything. But then I question...if there is a God shouldn't they know what I am feeling? What I am going through? What I want or need? I used to pray for someone and a situation neither of us never really had control of. So is praying just a form of exerting our lack of control, putting it into the hands of someone whom we believe and think can do something? When someone dies, who do we pray to that the soul is okay? Some would most likley pray to God. Only because we don't know how it is on the other side, if there person is okay, oif nothing happened and their body just decayed. We do it for our own self-relief or our mind's way filtering out the stuff to big to take into our hands. Anyways this has gotten long enough and I have papers to do for tomorow. YIKES.
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