still waiting for my carrots...

"you give me premature ventricular contractions"
aww how nauseatingly sweet.

awkward habit

I have this tendency to sit in front of Jojo's tank and just talk to him. Yes that's weird, but trust me it gets weirder. I'll talk to him in this nauseating googoo gaga baby voice.
Example:
Well aren't just a cute lil fatty fat fat.
Haha omg now that I write it out it sounds horrible and mean but no it's awkward when your brother or mom walks by your room and they hear you talking like that and then question it. hahaaha *awkward nervous laugh* But my gosh I can't help it he's SO adorable...at times.
There are times when I'm studying and he'd splash away at the water! And I'd snap at him CAN YOU STOP IT! He stops for a bit and stares at me...then goes back to splashing.

So I get to do a presentation on the subarachnoid hemorrhage. Downside: I'm up first next week. Upside: everyone else got blander topics such as DM or pneumonia. I like my topic it goes a little bit further then what we focus on in school and is more in depth. So yeah, looking forward for the research, putting it together and printing out photos to use. It's not like a bristol board/powerpoint. It's more like getting up there and talking about cause, treatment, symptoms, etc.

didn't think it would come to this

but I'm contemplating quitting work. We have new management, new expectations and new rules. It's not as flexible as it used to be when I could "go in" on weekends I found best fit. Now I'm expected as a student to be in every weekend. But my demands as a student exceeds the demands of my job. On the other hand I need the money to save up. With 100% certainity I can say, come fall semester I have to quit my job. Because pre-grad wants us doing 5 days, 8 hr shifts. I can't work on top of that.
So I'm at a predicament. I'm going to have to speak to my new boss and if things don't go well I may have to leave the job. :S *sigh*

I'm a good aunt

My nephew was over yesterday. He's 1 year and 4 months, so he's a man of few words. I was standing there staring at him and he was staring back at me. His hair is unusually long and straight. Nice hair do for a baby I must say. It was pushed to the side almost like that Justin Bieber hair-style prior to him cutting it. So I said to him:

Me: Your hair looks like Justin Bieber's
Him: *sad face...lower lip begins to tremble..starts to let out a loud cry*
Me: well then we've established you babies aren't beliebers!

The Binky Song

this is stuck in my head.

Cyanide & Happiness - Repulsel

a break up IS alot like a wound

When a patient comes in with a necrotic wound usually this eschar builds up and new skin (not as the same as before, it's scar tissue called granulation) forms. The nurses tend to the wound when it's fresh because my god it's vulnerable for many things and how you take care of it will determine its recovery. So for instance poor care may result in amputation (but this is mostly seen in diabetic patients). Anyways, what the hell does what I'm talking about have to do with wounds?
When you band-aid up a necrotic wound. It's not going to heal properly and probably infection will occur. Infection can lead to sepsis in which there are bacteria in the blood or if it’s caught on early the body part that is severely infected is amputated. A nercotic wound with alot of exudate (pus) will need a dressing that absorbs all that exudate. Leaving that crap there isn't going to let the wound heal. Same applies for any problem in life. With necrotic wounds they have to be irrigated. You literally have to get into the wound and clean! Same applies for any crap ball life throws out at you. When it comes to getting over a break up, many fail (even I did this with my first serious relationship) to sit down and take that time for yourself and think: what..the..fuck..just..happened to me? :S
About a month ago I remember feeling this sense of hopelessness, agitation and yes, loneliness on my status. A few weeks ago, after a jog I sat by the pond and realized what the fuck is my rush? Why do I want to get into a relationship after everything him and I have been through together and on top of that what I suffered post-break up?! Well slowly, like that new scar tissue settles in, that acceptance and well embracement "hey I'm single!" kicked in. No I'm not single and ready to mingle. More like I’m single and let me eat my Pringles. Lol uhmm I tried my best to make that joke :P okay!? haha
It was beautiful weather today in which I neglected to bring an umbrella. I parked 5-10 minutes away from the school. As I walked back it started pouring. When I mean pouring, I mean by the time I got to my car my clothes and bag were drenched. And I thought to myself the situation would have been a lot different if I was still with him. I would not have been drenched, he would have picked me up (if he schedule permitted) and we would have went out to get something to eat. But I liked it! As a petty as it sounds, I feel proud that I've managed to be on my own and that I’ve come this far. Yes I do wish that hmm maybe I can have that company again with a bf. Nevertheless, I can't imagine that now without feeling a sense of discomfort. It's not really extolling the benefits of being single but more like appreciating the solitude. haha! :P I've embraced it and well it was a challenge. Looking back to September, I was in complete denial. After the break up I even held out hope that maybe he will change. Lesson learned: PEOPLE DO NOT CHANGE UNLESS THEY SEE FIT. NO ONE CAN CHANGE SOMEONE ELSE. If someone has been a certain way for 20 something years it’s very hard and unlikely they will change to your ways. And if it occurs, well… it’s rare. My patient and his wife have been together for ~50 years. They have been together through hell and back. We were talking and she was telling me how this generation, love is something different (she said this to in reference to a personal matter she was confiding in me). I told her its hard finding what you both (her and her husband) have in our generation. Unconditional love (with a spouse), my friends, is slowly going extinct same with chivalry. I know for me this isn't the end of it all but just a progression.

irony

Isn't ironic the very thing that fuels the brain a every control system in the brain is working properly can actually cause damage? When an artery bursts the bleeding kills brain cells. The area those brain cells are responsible is compromised. Bleeding can also occur in between the layers of tissues that cover the brain(ie subarachnoid hemorrhage). You usually see this in patients who have fallen and hit their head. It's exacerbated when they have hypertension.
The human body is a mystery itself, and yet many of us take it for granted on a daily basis.

Princess

Patient stuck a Tiana sticker on my hand and said:
You know why I gave that sticker?
Me: No why?
Her: because you look just like her, even the same skin colour.
Me: awkward laugh.

Didn't want to tell her I'm not black. =\ She was a sweetie and I kept the sticker on my badge. :)

achievement

Didn't think the day would come and I know, it's one of those fleeting occurences that you just have to live up for the moment.

Nicki minaj Super Bass

haha I can't believe I like this song but yeaaaaaahhh =]

I Feel Pretty/Unpretty - Glee [Official Video With Lyrics]

Their voices are harminous. Good combo. of singers + songs.

week 1

Overwhelming. Atleast they aren't sugar coating and hiding reality. They are blatently telling us this is your final semester before consolidation (aka pre grad) so it's going to be hell. My clinical placement? haha don't get me started. I'm at a stroke/rehab unit. My group and I are not the biggest fan when my other friends are at med-surg placements, like GI, respiratory and even gynacelogy. It's like day care where we are still playing with tricycles while everyone else got the big new shiney two wheelers. I better get into med-surg for my pre grad. If I don't get to observe in a surgery or even perfect nursing skills like tracheostomy care or nasogastric tubes, I will be one unhappy sailor. So yeah, I'm going to make it known with the coordinator early on by e-mailing the appropriate people and telling them where I want to be. Otherwise I like my placement. Nurses are awesome. So far they seem so sweet and no cattiness! I'm going to make the most of what I got with placement and work on skills that I can do with the patients here. *sigh* Another bright side is the hospital is like 10-15 minutes away. So I don't have to worry about the timely commute. I have time to come home eat and sleep earlier which gives me more time to study and get to the gym. I think the overwhelming part of this semester is the readings and work, there is a shit load of them. =| Picture depicts sepsis when there is bacteria in the blood, which would lead to septic shock a really low blood pressure, which becomes life-threatening. Saw it at clinicals today.

Spring

would you like some wine with that?

I am not looking forward to this coming semester which starts Wednesday! AHH! =| On top of that it has to be during the summer. My anxiety levels is already rising with thought of it all but I keep telling myself to take it one step at a time? :S Haha not really working. There's usually this challenging thrill at the beginning of a semester, but for this...I'm actually anxious
Work was pretty crazy today with an unusual 22 demo tables up. Pretty busy for a Sunday. A customer even commented: it's like a buffet. It was like a buffet. After work I went to the gym. There was this weird guy breakdancing in the middle of the workout area. (Above is the picutre of what he was doing -_-) I needed to walk by and I was literally saying to some sort of spirit or the universe haha : Please don't let him fall on me..don't let him fall on me =\ Once I saw him spinning on his head :|
I'm really sleepy and I've got readings to do, maybe I'll read a few pages and go to bed? Haha figured out how to get my smart-mouth brother to do something "Don't mess with me..I'm on my period! Just do it!" His reply: "okay." =]

dream

The last time I dreamt about God was ~ 7 months ago. It was the night him and I had this huge fight. The fight pushed our relationship over the edge. I had dreamt about Sri Durga, in which I was praying to her statue. The priest said to throw in coins at the statue. After the prayer we had to go pick up the coin. When I went the statue came to life and picked up the coin. When I asked the priest at my temple about it he had said that it was symbolical for God taking any bad karma and problems into her hands. From the dream, what I derived most from it was how empowering it was. That dream alone pushed me through some hard and alone times, I felt the few months following.
This morning I had another dream. This time it was of Parvati and Shiva. I was at the temple, Parvati's temple did not have a head but instead a print out paper of her head stuck in place. I took the paper and I was going to take Shiva's. Except Shiva's head was made of wood so it wouldn't budge. It was then I realized I wasn't suppose to take Parvati's print out head (lol wow :|) so I put it back. Then this big pooja happened where in which they placed Parvati and Shiva right by each other. My mom looked at me and said "now that, that's true love". The prayer had finished and we had to walk around and pray. So as I was doing so this guy was standing there staring at me. I looked at him puzzled and walked away. From there I went to the Mahalaxmi, in which an Indian lady was instructing us to stand, with our hands in the prayer pose and sort of bow down at the waist, saying Om Shanti repetitively. And then I woke up.

I then went and read up on Parvati and Shiva’s story. I remember glancing over it but never took such interest. Upon reading the story went on about Parvati, longing for Shiva’s attention because he was more in a meditative trance. So Parvati went on to fast by his side first eating wet leaves, to dry leaves, to water and finally to just living on air. Her parents got fed up and told Shiva do you not see my daughter dying? So Shiva wanted to test out Parvati’s devotion and love one last time despite keeping her waiting for all these years. He came as a normal man and asked her why do you love Shiva who has skull necklaces and meditates in the graveyard with his ghost friends? Why not marry a simple normal man like me? At this point Parvati got all “oh no he DIDN’T talk shit about my man” on this normal man (who was really Shiva) and was like “I don’t want to hear your doubt. I’ll only marry Shiva and not you! Leave me alone or I’ll curse you” And then this happened (source: http://www.srichinmoy.org/resources/library/stories/puranas/parvati_longs_to_marry_shiva/index.html)
At that moment, Shiva assumed his true form once more. Parvati was so moved and overwhelmed to see him standing before her. Shiva said to her, “Any boon that you want, I shall give you.”

“You do not know by this time what boon I want?” asked Parvati. “I want only to marry you.”

“Granted,” said Shiva.

Hehe awwwwwwwwwww cho cho cute.Don’t know what Parvati and Shiva have to do with me. -_-

Arthur: Germophobia

story of my life

Finally....

I can relax a bit. Never have I been in a situation where I worried that I was going to fail a nursing course. The prof screwed a bunch of us over but thankfully from what I know of a few of my close friends passed. I hope that the coming semester I can utilize to bring up my average however with pathophysiology &pharmacology, Nursing theory 3 ,clinical applications lab and clinicals, I don't want to push myself to achieve some excelling standard. It's all about time management is what I can say but wow, it's alot easier said then done. There are many priorities to accomplish from school work, work, gym, family , volunteering and well the thought of it is overwhelming. SO how exactly do you manage your time? Yes you can set aside one day to finish your readings for the week. But do you know how tempting it is to sit inside and study while the weather is just SO beautiful!
I'm actually looking forward to the summer! I want to do so much; hopefully my best friend and I do end up going kayaking, I also wanna to go hiking again ... bah I just love the weather. So for the past three days I've been going swimming. I love it! I didn't go today because the chlorine is pretty harsh on the skin and hair. Starting next week swimming is probably going to be like how it used to be once or twice a week. Damn there are some cute life guards. =]
When we were kids, my friends and I lived in the swimming pool during the summer day. We will all pack our swim stuff in plastic bags and head off to our school to go swimming. We had to do this swim test to get into the deep end. If we did okay then they will make us tread water for like 2 minutes, which was really awkward.
For the past few days it's been kind of crazy at home. My mom and I have been going back and forth to the doc with my grandfather. He fell the other day and hit his coccyx which left this really bad bruise. He applied ice and then where his left hip bone is started swelling. They were worried at first the he may have fracutred it, seeiI told him if he had fractured or broken it it will hurt ALOT to the point he can't walk. The bruise is going away. We took him to xray which showed that he was fine but was developing osteoporosis near his lower back. On top of that he managed to catch a cold. Gah last night I had a dream my dad had parkinson's disease.

Good Life

hm

"The message that it is better to be constantly busy than inactive often begins during early childhood. An abundance of activites are planned for children, which allows little quiet time. Counselors see children who suffer from stress and an already overstuffed life. These children learn early on to become impateient with lack of stimulation, and they are quick to point out that they are bored with the absence of activity." - Gerald Corey, Marianne Schneider Corey.